Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

The Koala Bear and the Lizard

One day a small lizard was walking through the forest. He smelled pot and looked up to find a koala bear sitting in a tree.

The little lizard looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The bear replied, "I'm getting high, come on up." So the lizard joined the bear in the tree.

They continued to smoke joint after joint until finally the little lizard said, "My mouth is dry like cotton."

The koala bear agreed and told the lizard to go down to the river and get a drink and in the meantime he would roll another joint.

The little lizard attempted to lean over to drink water from the river and was so stoned, he fell right in and started splashing around.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to help the lizard to shore. He said, "Lizard what is wrong with you?"

The lizard replied, "I've been getting stoned with the koala bear. I needed water and fell in the river."

The crocodile said, "I don't believe this. Take me to the tree you were in."

So they walked through the forest and they come to the tree where the koala bear was sitting. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The koala bear looked down and said, "Holy crap dude, how much water did you drink?"

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You!

An E-mail Funny from a Friend

Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said: "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Ralph Nader stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most truthful of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new eco-friendly car in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said , "I think I'm the most ambitious of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next presidential campaign.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Pete Townsend Never Met George Bush

Personally, I feel like I've been fooled again, regardless of what The Who may have told us. First, it turns out that there are no WMD's, even though the President told us there were. Now I find out that the US intelligence agencies had no evidence of ties between Iraq and al-Qaida, even though the President told us that the War in Iraq was a war on terror. In the real world, this is called Bait and Switch, and it is illegal.

Maybe we'd all be better off if Consumer Reports rated the President instead of the mainstream press.

Senate: No prewar Saddam-al-Qaida ties

Oh...my aching ARM

Delta Screws Pilots, Feds Will Say O.K.

It a very disturbing trend over the past decade or more, a large corporation, in this case Delta Airlines, is being allowed to bail out on a promise to its employees. A judge has ruled that Delta can pass off its pension obligations to the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. (PBGC). Basically, the PBGC is the federal insurance for pension plans. If a company can't live up to its promise to pay a pension to its employees, then the PBGC is forced to shell out money -- taxpayer money -- to cover it, usually at a significantly reduced level. I'm all for the free enterprise system, but we need to start requiring that companies offering a pension fully fund those programs. Personally, I'm tired of watching CEO's live in multi-million dollar mansions while the workers who put them there get screwed because the company can't live up its obligations.

Judge OKs killing of Delta pilots pension plan