Saturday, April 26, 2008

Annie Del Sol

I saw this on another blog and thought I'd give it a try. It's one of those made up name games.

1. Your Rock Star name (first pet, current vehicle):

Annie Del Sol

2. Your 'gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite shoe):

Cherry Reabok

3. Your Native American name(favorite color, favorite animal):

Red Frog

4. Your Soap Opera name(middle name, city where you were born):

Anthony Cedar Falls

5. Your Star Wars name(first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first):


6. Superhero name(second favorite color, favorite drink):

Blue Scotch

7. NASCAR name(first names of your grandfathers):

Russell Douglas

8. Stripper name(the name of your favorite perfume, cologne/scent, favorite candy):

English Leather Mounds

9. TV Weather Anchor name(Your 5Th grade teachers' last name, a city that starts with the same letter):

O'Donnell Orlando

10. Spy name(your favorite season/holiday, and your favorite flower):

Spring Tulip

11. Cartoon name(favorite fruit, article of clothing you're wearing right now):

Apple Robe

12. Hippie name(what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):

Bagel Oak

13. "Adult film" star name(first pet, first street that you lived on):

Annie Prospect

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Quick Hits - For Medicinal Purposes

I'm sorry for the kind of graphic nature of parts of this post, but the news yesterday was just a little penis heavy. It happens that way sometimes.

I've Got Indiana On My Mind

Hillary won Pennsylvania by ten points. That means the split of Pennsylvania's pledged delegates is at least 80 for Sen. Clinton and 66 for Sen. Obama with 12 yet to be decided.

That means that Sen. Obama still has a triple digit lead in delegates, the lead in the popular vote, and in a recent ABCNews poll Democrats said 2-1 that Sen. Obama is more likely to win in the fall.

Indiana voters, I implore you. Put an end to this. Vote Obama and let the Democrats regroup for the real fight, the fight for the keys to the White House.

AP: Clinton's win still leaves her the underdog

Just A Closer Float With Thee?

Whatever happened to the church bake sale or bowl-a-thon for charity? I guess in these days of Survivor and Fear Factor, the public just isn't entertained by peach cobbler and rented shoes anymore.

Roman Catholic Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli decided to raise money for a "spiritual" rest-stop for truckers in Paranagua, Brazil. To do it, he wanted to break a record for the longest time in-flight with helium-filled party balloons. That's right, he strapped a bunch of party balloons to a chairs and planned to fly for 19 hours at an altitude of around 17,000 feet.

They have found balloons in the ocean, but no sign of him.

International Herald: Rescuers reach balloons off Brazil's coast but fail to find priest seeking flight record

It's Not That, I'm Self-Medicating!

Aussie researchers have published a study that says men who masturbate five or more times a week are a third less likely to get prostate cancer.

Wow, this is a huge turn around. We've gone from self-gratification causing hairy palms and blindness to it being a potentially life saving activity. The next thing you know, massage parlors are going to start advertising prostate treatments.

"Excuse me sir, can I interest you in the latest prostate cancer preventative? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more."

Yahoo News: Masturbation may prevent prostate cancer

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

I don't even know what to say. Sometimes the stories just speak for themselves.

This from Reuters:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

For the full story, go to: Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Mitt Has A Funny Writer

The following came from my friend Phil who has a well developed sense of funny.

WASHINGTON (CNN) - At Wednesday night's Radio and Television Correspondents Dinner in Washington, D.C., former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney gave his "Top 10 Reasons for Dropping Out of the Race":

10. There weren't as many Osmonds as I thought.

9. I got tired of corkscrew landings under sniper fire.

8. As a lifelong hunter, I didn't want to miss the start of the varmint season.

7. There wasn't room for two Christian leaders.

6. I was upset that no one had bothered to search my passport files.

5. I needed an excuse to get fat, grow a beard and win the Nobel prize.

4. I took a bad fall at a campaign rally and broke my hair.

3. I wanted to finally take off that dark suit and tie, and kick back in a light-colored suit and tie.

2. Once my wife Ann realized I couldn't win, my fundraising dried up.

1. There was a miscalculation in our theory: "As Utah goes, so goes the nation."
They forgot: "Did you know that the President only makes six figures. Who can live on that!?"

Thursday, April 10, 2008

50 Great Comedy Routines of All-Time

Every one of these lists is flawed because personal preference varies by perspective, intelligence and experience. A perfect example, I have lots of friends who think Will Farrell's movies are drop dead funny. But I saw Old School, Talledaga Nights and Anchorman and I might have found three or four laughs among them.

Different funny for different people.

But this is a good list with a lot of laughs to be had. Lots of SNL with a healthy dose of Python.

Give it a look:

50 Greatest Comedy Sketches

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Quick Hits - Now with MISINFORMATION!

"I also heard if you pull out..."

To give you an idea as to the average IQ of the FoxNews demographic, just take a look at the latest offering from their so-called "Sexpert".

FOXSexpert: Eight Sex Myths You Should Not Believe

For example, number seven on the sex myth list: "A woman must have an orgasm in order to conceive."

If you are reading that and are surprised to learn that it isn't true, then you are a living, breathing example of why sex education in the schools is not only needed, but should be required.

Burning Bushes and Guns Ablazin'

My friend Phil sent me an email the other day. It said simply:

"Can we take his gun now?"

For Actor Charlton Heston, Gun Rights Were 11th Commandment

But was there a sniper?

First, she's under sniper fire in Bosnia. Now she's telling half truths about poor a woman dying from a lack of health care. Don't get me wrong, I know men and women and children are dying in this country because they don't have access to quality health care, but Sen. Clinton doesn't have to be telling incomplete or misleading stories to prove her point.

I think this is one of the primary problems that people have with her. She doesn't flat out lie, but she has no problem gussying up a truth to make it seem to be something more than it really is.

Clinton's tale part truth, part errors

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Slowly Climbing Over the Hill and Woman Bites Dog

Obama Narrows Gap in Pennsylvania

Obama is slowly climbing over the Hill in Pennsylvania according to the latest polls.

The latest Rasmussen Reports telephone survey in Pennsylvania shows Clinton leading Barack Obama by just five percentage points, 47% to 42%. For Clinton, that five-point edge is down from a ten-point lead a week ago, a thirteen-point lead in mid-March and a fifteen-point advantage in early March.

To add insult to injury, Obama raised $40 million in March. That is about double what the Clinton camp is expected to report. They are yet to release their figures.

So, let's look at the score card. Obama is leading in fundraising, delegates, primary popular vote and the national polls. Hillary is leading in some individual states but is all but mathematically eliminated from the race for non-Super Delegates.

And yet she continues to say she's in it to the end.

Did she make a bet with Bill or something? Has the Republican National Committee offered to help her pay off any lingering debt after the race? Why, other than hubris and blind ambition, is she still attacking Obama?

Hillary has become the guest who refused to leave the party even after everyone else has gone. Go home Sen. Clinton, please. We'd like to clean up the house and get ready for the general election.

Woman Bites Dog

Most people have heard the "Man Bites Dog" definition of news. It isn't news if a dog bites a man, but it's news if a man bites a dog. According to Wikipedia:

The phrase comes from a quote attributed to New York Sun editor John B. Bogart: "When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news."
Apparently, at, equal opportunity is being practiced when it comes to this axiom.

Woman Bites Pit Bull to Save Her Dog