Those Silly E-mail Surveys

Like the rest of you, I get those usually annoying e-mail chain-letter surveys. "What's your favorite color? How many pets have you owned? How many times a day do you check your e-mail? When was the last time you got laid?"

You know the kind.

My wife loves them. And she got this one with a little twist. You send the questions out to people who know you and they have to answer them ABOUT YOU. It's a bit like that game that couples occationally play. You know the one, it usually ends up with the wife pissed because he can't remember what color her socks were the first time they shared an ice cream. Well this is like that, only fun.

To prove my point, I offer up my wife's answers about me.

Where did we meet? In Quad in Iowa City

Take a stab at my middle name: I would, but I left my stiletto in my thigh high black patent leather boots.

How long have you known me? Since 1984.

Do I smoke? Too fucking much.

What was your first impression of me upon meeting? Skinny.

Color of my eyes: Blue

Do I have any siblings? This is stupid. You know I know the answer to that one.

What's one of my favorite things to do? Bitch about the fact that you don't get laid often enough. Read. Play team sports. Coach Bronte's various teams. Go to see live theater. Try to change the world.

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you? No. Do you remember one of the first things you said to me? (Ed. note. Yes, yes I do remember.)

What's my favorite type of music? Jazz and Frank Zappa.

What is the best feature about me? Your loyalty. Your eyes.

Am I shy or outgoing? Outgoing

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? Rules. Sorry, it's true. If you were a rebel you wouldn't have such a hard time returning things or ordering pizza. You are pretentious, but you do not have a sense of entitlement, which makes you endearing.

What's your favorite memory of me? Going to watch the Cubs play in the front bar of the College Street Club. Recently....going to see that stupid Bug movie in Washington DC. It was pretty funny.

Any special talents: You're really good at sports. You are really great in bed. Yum.

Would you consider me a friend? First and foremost.

How many children do I have? 1 bio 1 of the heart

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? I hate fucking nicknames. they're stupid. But, if I have to pick, how about "Lucky"?

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring? Lube

Talk radio or music station? Sports talk.

Which would I take, the chicken or the fish? Neither. You would rather have Iowa pork chops.

Her answers are 99% right. I happen to believe that people come with their own supply of lube so that one, while very funny, is wrong. You'll have to guess for yourselves as to the correct answer.