Monday, July 30, 2007

"Your boo...ah ti...I mean, your breast..."

Some news stories, events or products just seem mind numbingly stupid to me. For example, this story from about a device that warns drivers if they have left their child in the back seat of a hot car.

I'm not kidding. The device is designed to set off an alarm if a driver walks more than ten feet away from a car with a kid still in the back seat.

Now I've left a lot of things in the car. My wallet, my keys, my backpack but I can honestly say that I have never walked away from my car having forgotten that I had a child in the back seat. If you actually require this type of alarm, there is a real chance you should never have procreated in the first place.

According to an Associated Press article, about 340 kids have died in hot cars over the past ten years. For the math challenged, that's an average of 34 per year. To put that in perspective, according to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, bicycle injuries account for nearly 550,000 emergency room visits and about 1000 deaths each year, mostly in children and adolescents.

It is sad that people leave their kids in the car in August. In fact, it's criminal. But requiring alarms like the ones in this news story would translate into tens of millions a year in added costs to car makers and who do you think would be picking up that tab in the end? You got it. The rest of us.

How' bout this instead. Why don't parents slow down and concentrate just a little bit harder on taking care of their kids. It isn't the automakers job to remind you that you have a child, that's one responsibility that you should remember on your own. And the rest of society shouldn't have to pay millions to make up for the crappy parenting skills of 34 sets of parents per year.

CNN: Devices exist to keep kids from dying in cars, but few are sold

So, are you wondering about the headline? Maybe this will help:

A man was walking up a busy street when he spied a woman walking toward him with her left breast hanging out of her blouse. He thought to himself, "Man I really ought to tell her, but I don't want to embarrass her. But if I don't tell her then twenty other people are going to see and she's going to be even more embarrassed."

As she drew near he said, "Excuse me ma'am, but your Boo...ah ti....ah breast is hanging out there."

"What?" she said.

"Your ti...ah your boo...ah your breast in hanging out right there."

Then she looked down at her open blouse and said, "Damn, I left the kid on the bus."

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Brother, can you spare a dime?

It looks like John McCain will soon be running his campaign from a van down by the river. His media-hacks have jumped ship. This comes on the heels of McCain losing his campaign manager as well as his top political advisor. Well, hired political hacks like to get paid. They aren't really in it for truth, justice and the American Way. No, these guys are part of the campaign money machine and like the hungry little piggy's that they are, they are off to find a fresh tit to suckle before the campaign cycle ends and it's too late.

And yet, John McCain hasn't given up yet. Lord knows why. A republican has an uphill battle to win in the general anyway, particularly one who has been playing war hawk for as long as McCain. Does he honestly think he has a chance to even get the VP nod?

No money, no chance.

So, if you see John begging on the streets with an empty coffee cup in one hand and sign that says, "Will run for President for food" don't be surprised. And don't give him any money. I know he says he'll buy food with that money, but guys like him will just turn around and blow that cash on political consultants and media buys.

McCain's media team quits his campaign

Monday, July 23, 2007

I've Been Busy Potting

I know I promised a new post, but I got distracted this weekend. The new Harry Potter book came out and I had to read the whole damn thing because I didn't want someone to accidentally spoil the end for me.

All I have to say is "Wow!"

I know, some of you out there are thinking, this is a grown man, right? Well, I started reading the first book when I heard it was all the rage for kids. My daughter was reading it and I wanted to know what all the hub-bub was about. So there I was on the daily commuter train reading a children's book. At first, I'll admit, I was a little embarrassed. But the more I read, the more sucked into Harry's world I became.

Needless to say, I've read them all and the last one doesn't disappoint. I won't say another word because I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't already read it. Even the smallest slip could lead someone to a conclusion and if they are right, I'd feel terrible.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I'll be right back...

Work has been crazy so I have missed a post or two, but I have a couple in draft that will be appearing in a day or so. Really. I promise.

The T-Dude

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Good Ship John McCain Is Taking On Water

For some reason, the title function on my blog isn't working, but I wanted to post this link reporting the rats jumping from the ocean liner McCain. Who would have guessed that he'd be the first of the R's to suffer this kind of set back.

McCain’s Top 2 Campaign Aides Quit

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Those Silly E-mail Surveys

Like the rest of you, I get those usually annoying e-mail chain-letter surveys. "What's your favorite color? How many pets have you owned? How many times a day do you check your e-mail? When was the last time you got laid?"

You know the kind.

My wife loves them. And she got this one with a little twist. You send the questions out to people who know you and they have to answer them ABOUT YOU. It's a bit like that game that couples occationally play. You know the one, it usually ends up with the wife pissed because he can't remember what color her socks were the first time they shared an ice cream. Well this is like that, only fun.

To prove my point, I offer up my wife's answers about me.

Where did we meet? In Quad in Iowa City

Take a stab at my middle name: I would, but I left my stiletto in my thigh high black patent leather boots.

How long have you known me? Since 1984.

Do I smoke? Too fucking much.

What was your first impression of me upon meeting? Skinny.

Color of my eyes: Blue

Do I have any siblings? This is stupid. You know I know the answer to that one.

What's one of my favorite things to do? Bitch about the fact that you don't get laid often enough. Read. Play team sports. Coach Bronte's various teams. Go to see live theater. Try to change the world.

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you? No. Do you remember one of the first things you said to me? (Ed. note. Yes, yes I do remember.)

What's my favorite type of music? Jazz and Frank Zappa.

What is the best feature about me? Your loyalty. Your eyes.

Am I shy or outgoing? Outgoing

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? Rules. Sorry, it's true. If you were a rebel you wouldn't have such a hard time returning things or ordering pizza. You are pretentious, but you do not have a sense of entitlement, which makes you endearing.

What's your favorite memory of me? Going to watch the Cubs play in the front bar of the College Street Club. Recently....going to see that stupid Bug movie in Washington DC. It was pretty funny.

Any special talents: You're really good at sports. You are really great in bed. Yum.

Would you consider me a friend? First and foremost.

How many children do I have? 1 bio 1 of the heart

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? I hate fucking nicknames. they're stupid. But, if I have to pick, how about "Lucky"?

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring? Lube

Talk radio or music station? Sports talk.

Which would I take, the chicken or the fish? Neither. You would rather have Iowa pork chops.
Her answers are 99% right. I happen to believe that people come with their own supply of lube so that one, while very funny, is wrong. You'll have to guess for yourselves as to the correct answer.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Is It Just Me....

There are lots of little stories running around out there that I find humorous, ironic, stupid, interesting or just plain odd. Here's a partial list.

"Irony is the hygiene of the mind."

Girls Gone Wild Sued By Employee For Sexual Harassment

Let me get this straight. You are a woman who chooses to work as a sales rep for one of the largest soft-core porn companies in the world and you sue them because your supervisor talked about sex in front of you and tapped your ass with a clipboard.

To quote Marlon Brando in The Godfather, "It makes no difference to me what a man does for a living, understand." But if you are going to work for a porn company, people are going to talk about sex.

Joe Francis got what he had coming to him for convincing drunk college girls to strip and more for his profit. He's in jail as we speak trying not to drop the soap. But you decided to help him profit so I don't think you are now entitled to sue for sexual harassment because someone tapped your fanny once with a clipboard.

Lady, you're just trying to pad your bank account with some more of those dollars derived from the sexual exploitation of women, and to do it with a claim of sexual harassment is just disgusting.

You Put Your Right Foot In, You Take Your Right Foot Out...

Cheney Can't Decide Which Branch Of Government He Is In

By doing the political/bureaucratic version of the Hokey-Pokey, Vice President Cheney has quietly slipped under the radar screen on most of what he is doing. When he met with Big Oil in the beginning of the Bush presidency, he claimed executive privilege and refused to disclose the details of those meetings. Okay, that's not the first time that's happened, no big deal.

Now it turns out that since 2003, Cheney's office has refused to comply with a presidential order regulating federal agencies' handling of classified national security information. That order details how classified information is to be handled and categorized.

Cheney's office, for the first time, wasn't listed in the "plum" book, a detailed listing of White House jobs and salaries produced every four years. It said instead that “the Vice Presidency is a unique office that is neither part of the executive branch, nor a part of the legislative branch.” It has also been reported that Cheney and his staff exempt themselves from travel disclosure rules followed by the rest of the administration.

As a former political appointee, I can tell you that these are brash moves. This shows a level of determination and hubris perhaps unprecedented in Washington. Cheney has single-handedly redefined the Office of the Vice President within the vagaries of the Constitution. He claims to be a member of no single branch of government and therefore, at many times, without accountability.

It is a Machiavellian stroke of genius that should have all of us wondering exactly what is this guy up to and why can't we know. I'm mostly afraid that the reason Vice President Cheney never wants to be President is because he would see it as a demotion. Executive power without accountability is what he has now, why would he want a better title with less power? Hell, the housing is even worse.

Just Don't Drive With A Suspended License

Bush Won't Rule Out Pardon For Libby

If you are a multi-millionaire heiress to a hotel empire and you get caught driving your Bentley when your drivers license is suspended, you have to spend 24 days in jail. If you are a member of Dick Cheney's staff and you lie to federal prosecutors after you or someone in the Office of the Vice President expose a covert CIA operative, you get fined and don't have to serve a single day in the stir.

You all know I giggled like a school girl on her first real date when I heard Paris Hilton had to do time. She earned it in so many ways. But if she has to do her time, then so should Scooter Libby. The President letting this guy off the hook after he endangered the lives of CIA operatives and then actively worked to hamper the investigation is atrocious.

Didn't Bush run on a platform of ethics and accountability? Didn't he say that he was going to bring morality back to the White House after the Clinton Administration? Apparently that only applied to blow jobs because so far all we've gotten are lies and the protection and forgiveness of convicted liars.

I guess when your approval rating is just a few points ahead of the West Nile Virus, you have the freedom to do just about anything.