Friday, February 20, 2009

I Like Animals. R.I.P. Socks

In a previous life, I worked in the Clinton Administration at the Commerce Department. I was one of hundreds political appointees, but it is an experience I will always cherish. As part of that time I saw a lot of really cool and amazing things. I witnessed state arrivals of foreign dignitaries on the west lawn. I attended inaugural balls. I sat in the President's Box at the Kennedy Center while the rest of the house looked up to see, "Who is that funny looking guy I don't recognize?"

But one rainy morning when I was walking into my office on the fourth floor of the Hoover Building (Commerce Department) I saw a big guy in a dark suit walking down the hall with a cat on a leash. It wasn't just any cat, it was the first cat. Socks was out for an early morning stroll and because of the weather, socks was walking the halls of the Commerce Department.

It was a nice cat. I'm glad it lived the full life it did. Rest in Peace Socks.

Clintons bid farewell to Socks the cat, age 20

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

In The News

It is part of my job to watch the news. Sometimes headlines and stories just stand out. Here are a few examples from the past week.

Headline of the week

From"Palin Unamused by Family Planning Stunt"

What happened? Did Bristol buy a box of condoms at the Quik-E-Mart on her way home from buying Prozac and Huggies at the baby super store?

Recession? What Recession?

This headline from Fox News: "Full-Frontal Nude Madonna Photo Sells for $37,500"

Seriously? Where the hell have you been? You haven't seen Madonna nude? Who hasn't seen Madonna nude? I read somewhere that Madonna nude was one of the 10 most recognizable objects in the world right behind the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower and Paris Hilton's cooter.

And to make things worse you spend $37,500 so you can see her nude? It's called the Internet you moron. Go to Google Image Search and type in "Madonna naked". There, I just saved you 37 thousand dollars.

I want 10 percent.

I get paid to screw people. I love being a Senator.

From the New Orleans Times-Picayune: "Porn star Stormy Daniels considering a run against Sen. David Vitter"

Okay...other than her obvious professional assets, is she qualified? What are her positions? Is she capable of dominating any opponent? When push comes to shove, will she be in it for the long haul or is this just a quickie candidate in it for the fun?

Oh man, like shooting fish in a barrel. I have to stop.

But seriously, this is the kind of politics I hate. It is pretty clear that this is about keeping sex an issue throughout the campaign because Vitter is a whore. Or more accurately, he paid for whores. His digits were found in the D.C. Madam's book and now someone wants to make sure no one forgets this little nugget next election cycle.

Listen, if Stormy Daniels wants to run for Senate, this is America where any little girl can grow up to be a porn star/politician. Knock yourself out, Stormy. But if this is nothing but a political stunt -- even if he is a Republican -- someone ought to be ashamed.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Blago, Superbowl and Other Shit


Okay, the first thing that I have to say is that the whole impeachment of Gov. Blago is a giant colonoscopy for those of us in IL. It was uncomfortable, showed what we expected and we felt no relief until they pulled that sucker out of the orifice.

That being said, I'm not convinced he did anything truly criminal. Slimy? Yes. Wrong? Probably. Illegal? Perhaps not. Until a jury says "guilty", that loud-mouthed, slime ball, asshole is innocent. That's the rule of law that protects you and me and money-grubbing, corrupt politicians.


Alex, the blond hairdo on the sideline reporting for NBC just quoted F. Scotts Fitzgerald. Scotts is a discount toilet tissue honey, not a great American author.

Other Shit

My mother-in-law is doing okay. She is undergoing chemo and is losing her hair. I'm trying to keep her humor up and she seems to be okay. We'll see what happens. I just wish my wife could relax a little. She is wound as tight as a two dollar watch. But you can't blame her, this is a hard thing to handle and she's been doing a great job. She has shown a lot of strength and I'm very proud of her.

I have to go to Reno for work in 5 weeks or so.

Fucking Reno.

Other than gambling and whorehouses, what is there to do in Reno? Seriously. I need something to do that doesn't involve paying for sex or risking money I can't afford to lose.

Any ideas?

Michael Phelps

It turns out that Michael Phelps got caught on camera smoking a little Mary Jane.

I don't care if he wants to blow a 4-foot graphics while The Doors Soft Parade plays on an endless loop. Just don't do it in front of a camera.

Oh well. It doesn't take an I.Q. of 140 to swim fast, but you don't have to be a MENSA member to know that smoking dope in public isn't a good idea for an Olympic athlete.

That is unless you are competing in the 100 yard toke.