Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Quick Hits: Now With Catch and Release

"Ewwww, but there are commom people there!"

If I decided to shoplift and got caught, I'd be thrilled with the opportunity to do community service instead of time in the pokey.  Apparently, Lindsay Lohan feels differently.  She got hauled in front of the judge today for failing to come anywhere near to fulfilling her community service obligations.  After reprimanding her, the judge revoked her probation. After two hours and $100,000 dollars in bond, she was back on the street, again doing little for the community.

Why can't they just lock her up and be done?  Not that I'm in favor of throwing petty criminals in the joint but I'm tired of looking at CNN and finding stories about her.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I think the best public service that could be done would be for her to turn herself in and just do the time.  Then maybe the rest of us could catch a break from being pummelled with news about the disaster that is Lindsay Lohan.

Lions and Tigers and Bears (and a Corpse)

In Ohio, some dude committed suicide.  Okay, sad but not unheard of.  Before he did it, he let his pets go free.  Again, kinda sad, but not that strange.  Unfortunately, the authorities had to kill a bunch of them.  That's right, kill.  You see, he kept some rather exotic pets.  According to the news report:
As of Wednesday afternoon, authorities had killed 49 animals -- 18 tigers, 17 lions, six black bears, two grizzly bears, three mountain lions, two wolves and a baboon. Another grizzly bear, three leopards and two monkeys had been captured and taken to a zoo.
Oh, and a monkey remains at large.  I think he started the whole thing.
Who the hell keeps that many, and that kind, of animals in Ohio?  And how unhappy do you have to be to set them loose before you dispatch yourself to the Great Beyond?  I saw Zookeeper, if they want to find that monkey, they should stake out the nearest TGIF.

Hey, maybe Lindsay Lohan could go hunting for him, that would be a community service.

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