If we don't hang together...

As Rachel points out in her comments on the Beer, Bunting and Bullshit post, the effort to divide the voters has already begun.

Rev James Dobson, an evangelical leader and chairman of the board of Focus on the Family, an evangelical non-profit, has attacked Sen. Obama by accusing him of "distorting the Bible and pushing a "fruitcake interpretation" of the Constitution."

To put the work of this group in perspective, according to Wikipedia, "Focus on the Family has been criticized by mainstream medical, psychological and mental health organizations for misleading the public, and top academics have charged Focus on the Family with manipulating research in misleading ways."

So it is one of those groups. You know the ones. A woman shouldn't have control of her own body. Women should stay home and not work. Gays are going to hell. In fact, according to Wikipedia:

In the winter of 2004-2005, the We Are Family Foundation sent American elementary schools approximately 60,000 copies of a free DVD using popular cartoon characters (most notably Sponge Bob) to "promote tolerance and diversity." Dobson contended that "tolerance and diversity" are "buzzwords" that the We Are Family Foundation misused as part of a hidden agenda to promote homosexuality. The New York Times noted Dobson asserting: "tolerance and its first cousin, diversity, 'are almost always buzzwords for homosexual advocacy.'"

While Barack Obama tries to find common ground, groups like this spend their time trying to separate us. They aren't trying to work with anyone, they are trying to dictate to America their personal view of morality and ethics. And if the accusations are true, they aren't afraid to bend the truth to do it.

Finally, you know this guy is reaching when he calls Sen. Obama a constitutional fruitcake. I'm willing to bet that a Harvard law grad who taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School for 12 years knows a little bit more about that particular document than a pseudo-preacher with a clear political agenda.

Don't give these nuts the time of day. It is one thing to disagree with someone, but to come out of the box with this kind of rhetoric makes it clear that they have no interest in any perspective but their own. If you don't want on the train, then shut the hell up and let the rest of us get to the business of joining hands in the common cause of fixing this broken, misguided country. The America that gives these guys the freedom to speak and worship deserves better than the myopic, exclusionary vision of the future they espouse.

As Promised: The Duck Story

On the other side of my back fence is a pond. When you combine that with a nearby forest preserve, a golf course and a reservoir, you get wildlife, in particular, water fowl.

In the spring, the forces of nature take over and we are soon treated to a variety of cute, fuzzy waddlers trailing behind vigilant mothers who, while caring, have…well…bird brains. This means that they are constantly dragging their children through dog-occupied yards, into parking lots, across streets, etc.

And this is where our story begins.

A chilly evening a few weeks back, I had just picked up B_____, my seven year-old daughter at dance class. We had just pulled out of the parking lot into rush hour traffic when we both spotted a mother duck and what looked like four or five chicks standing in the gutter on the opposite side of the road apparently trying unsuccessfully to get over curb.

Now, as those of you who have read my wife’s blog probably know, my youngest daughter is not only exceptionally empathetic, but she loves animals. To this day, she occasionally tears up thinking about our old dog Molly who passed away over two years ago. If it’s fuzzy, furry or feathered, B_____ loves it. Unconditionally.

As we drive past the ducks, B______ is climbing over me saying, “Dad! Dad! Why are those ducks in the road? Dad! Dad! What’s going to happen to them? Isn’t anyone going to help?”

As I turned the corner I pulled back into the parking lot, wheeled around the bank, came out on the street with the ducks again and wheeled into the parking lot across the street.

The weather was chilly, mid-50’s with a good breeze, but my critter-loving daughter jumped out of the car in nothing but her leotard and a lace dance skirt and headed for the road. When we get there, the mother duck is none too pleased. I shoo her over the curb and on to the grass and start picking up little chicks and putting them on the grass while Momma duck tries to bite me.

Just as I get the last one up, Momma jumps the curb again leading the rescued chicks back onto the busy road. Just as B______ and I started trying to get them back on the grass again, a twenty-something girl wheels up and leans out the window and asks what’s going on? B____ replies that we’re saving the ducks but they just keep getting in the road. Miss Twenty-Something immediately turns into the parking lot, jumps out of her car and comes running over to help.

Well, that was enough for Momma. She starts crossing the road just as the light is changing and the cars start moving again. Twenty-Something jumps out in the road and stops traffic, Momma waddles across the road and B______ and I stand on the side watching the progress. It was then that we both realized that we could still hear the sweet “Cheep, cheep, cheep,” of baby ducks.

Looking around, we see nothing except the grass, the curb, the road, the sewer grate…

“Oh shit.” I thought.

B_____ and I immediately put our heads down to the slotted gutter grate and see six baby ducks swimming in the standing water. They were a good four feet down and the slots were just wide enough for a baby duck, but not nearly wide enough for a human arm. Momma hadn’t been trying to get up the curb; she was just refusing to leave her fallen babies behind.

“Daddy, what are we going to do?”

So Twenty-Something looks back and yells, “What’s the matter?” I yell back that there are baby ducks in the sewer and she yells that she’s calling the police. In the meantime, a bald, Gandhi-looking, 50-something guy pulls up after seeing me and my seven-year-old with our heads in the gutter and asks what’s up? I explain the situation and he pulls into the parking lot and comes over to help.

Let’s recap. Twenty-Something is standing in bushes by the parking lot across the street watching Momma and her babies so they don’t wander off, the police have been called, Gandhi is lying in the gutter with me and B_____ is standing on the parking freezing her butt off asking what are we going to do?

After several minutes of watching the ducklings and listening to Gandhi talk to Bronte and me about how we are really nice people, that most of the drivers are just rolling past despite the fact that something is obviously wrong, Gandhi decides to call the police again.

By this point, I’ve sent B_____ back to the car to stay warm. The poor thing was so upset and so cold and it didn’t look like anything was going to get better anytime soon. And still the police hadn’t come. So I tell Gandhi that I’m going to get the police to come. He asks how and I dial the non-emergency number and get transferred to the dispatcher. I explain that a bunch of crazy people are standing in the road at this very busy intersection and they really ought to send someone.

“Excuse me sir, is this about the ducks?”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“The Animal Control Officer is one the way.”

B_____, at this point, comes back wearing my 12 sizes too big Cubs jacket. Despite the coat, she is slowly turning Cubby blue in the cold wind. A minute or so later, we see the Animal Control van turn the corner and head toward us. As she slowly rolls past, she sees me point down into the sewer.

At this point, just let me say that it is a testament to the fine parenting skills of both myself and my wife that my daughter could read the officer's lips perfectly as she said to herself, “Oh shit.”

After surveying the situation, the officer gets a tire iron out of the police van and pries the grate up. The ducklings are so far down that she has to get a fishing net, lay down in the gutter and bend at the waist face first into the open sewer grate.

Next thing I know, she is handing baby ducks out of the sewer. I grab a couple, B_____ takes one, Gandhi takes a couple and puts them in his jacket pocket. When we get to five, the officer pulls herself back up and says, “I think that’s it.”

Then we hear it. One more faint “Cheep, cheep” coming up out of the sewer.

The officer gets back down in there and says that the ducking has swum into the pipe and won’t come back out. We put one of the missing duckling’s siblings back into the net and put it back into the sewer and try to get it to peep. It finally starts making some noise, but to no avail, the last one is gone.

B______ looks at the officer and asks were the last one went. She says she doesn’t know, but that there isn’t anything else to do. B______ immediately says that she’ll go down after it; all we have to do is just lower her down there. My seven-year-old daughter dressed in nothing but a Cubs jacket, a leotard and lace dance skirt stood before a police officer and two total strangers and tried to convince us to lower her into a water filled storm sewer so she could go after a lost duckling.

Twenty years from now, when someone asks me about what kind of girl my daughter is, I’m going to describe this scene. I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of her.

When the officer said no, we weren’t going to put a seven-year-old into a storm sewer; B______ again asked what were we going to do? The officer went and got a box from her van, we put the ducklings in the box and she walked across the street to reunite them with their mother.

B______ and I stayed and listened in hopes of hearing the last one again but we never heard another peep. It was clear that the last one was gone.

When the officer came back, B______, with a tear in her eye, again asked about the last duckling. The officer, to her credit, told B_______ that she had done a wonderful thing; that she had saved five ducklings and that if B______ hadn’t stopped, we would have lost them all, and probably more as the mother stood in the gutter during rush hour with the rest of her babies. Gandhi and Twenty-Something joined the chorus about what a great thing B______ had done, Twenty-Something nearly in tears. As I picked B______ up to give her a hug and take her back to the car, Gandhi gave her a smile and told her that she was a special little girl for what she had done.

On the way home, I tried my best to get B_____ to focus on what a great thing she had done, at what a hero she was to Momma and her ducklings, but she could only manage a forced grin as she worried about that poor lost duckling that we couldn’t save.

She has such a big heart that child of mine. But like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, I’m afraid she’s learning the down side of having a heart. It occasionally gets broken and as a parent, it’s hard to watch. I just hope her heart stays this big because despite the pain it causes her, it is just so beautiful to watch in action.

Beer, Bunting and Bullshit

Obama has clinched the nomination and as I type, the world is waiting for Sen. Clinton to suspend her campaign. So the die are cast, Sen. Obama is the Democratic nominee to be and the race to the White House is on. So let's look past the primary season and stare into the crystal ball and see the future.

I see something...it is getting clearer...clearer...it is the Republican political machine. And what is it doing? It's preparing for a desperate campaign, a campaign starring an aged, flawed, cranky old man.

And what are they going to do? You don't need a crystal ball to see that. They are going to wage the classic smear campaign. They aren’t going to just throw mud; they are going to wallow in it. They are going to wear it as a badge of honor on their $1,000 suits.

No mistake about it, you are going to hear the word "liberal" more often than you ever thought possible. They are going to use images of terror to scare the crap out of you. They are going to talk about attacks-to-be here in the U.S. And in subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways, they are going to tell America over and over again he's black and quite possibly a closeted Muslim.

Frank Zappa once said that the Republican formula for success was Beer, Bunting and Bullshit. In fact, Zappa was only part of the way there. Bullshit doesn't quite cover it. The Republican formula in this campaign will be to Divide and Petrify.

First, they will attempt to hammer on the wedge issues that divide otherwise like thinking Americans. Abortion, school prayer, gay marriage and the like will be rolled out over and over again because these are the types of issues that the Republicans think they can use to hang on to their base voters and peel off some of those Independents that have moved over to Obama.

You see there are a few things that are so polarizing that otherwise agreeable find themselves emotionally divided. Even if you agree with 98% of what your neighbor says, if they are on the other side of the abortion issue, you are suddenly at odds and emotionally invested in the fight.

The Republicans have been dividing the country this way for years and they are going to bank on it again in this campaign. And once they have the voters divided on the issues of their own choosing, then they are going to hit you with the fear. Mark my words, you are going to hear variations on themes like these:

"Did you know that Barak Hussein Obama wants to negotiate with terrorists?"

"Do you want a man who has never served a day in uniform in charge of our armed forces in a time of war?"

"If you elect Obama, gas prices will go through the roof because we will have lost the war in Iraq."

I am sure there are more; those are just the first ones that come to mind. But when you hear these things, when your friends and relatives repeat these things to you, you have a job to do.

You have to stand strong. It isn't anti-American to question the war. It isn't bad foreign policy to talk to nations with whom we have differences. And it doesn't take a military man to run a country.

You have to fight for truth. You have to be what Sen. Obama is, a force for cooperation, not division. You have to reach out to these misguided souls and show them that change is exactly what this country needs. You have to show them that you are not going to be peeled away from the movement for a better America that the politics of division and hate are no longer viable. You have to show them that the lies that got us into war, into a recession and frankly, into one of the darkest times in our county's short history, must stop.

But be prepared ladies and gentlemen. There is an old saying, "Don't get between a dog and his bone." The richest one percent of the country has had it pretty good the last seven years and they aren't going to be pushed off the gravy train without a fight. They are going to invest in advertising and smear campaigns in an effort to steal yet another election from the hard working middle class of the country. So don’t grow complacent, don't let the Divide and Petrify strategy work. Stand tall and proud of being the kind of American who chooses a new path for our country.

If we fail, we will be stuck with Grampy McGrumpy for the next four years and the punishment our international reputation has suffered, the economic pummeling our middle and lower classes have endured, the systematic erosion on our basic liberties we are witnessing will continue. Stand tall my friends, and refuse to be a victim of the Republican formula of Beer, Bunting and Bullshit. That is our job as Americans, to take back our country. It is a job I hope you all take very seriously.

I've been busy...

It is the end of the school year and as any of you with kids know, this is a very busy time. I'll write more in a day or so. That being said, read the comments section of my previous post and laugh at the great post by Phil.

Coming soon: The Duck Story, Quick Hits, and the end of the Hillary Clinton campaign for President.

Ugh

Home sick from work. Snot. Ears filled with goo. Sore throat. I gots me a spring head cold. Oh well. What are you going to do?

Like Hillary losing the nomination, some things are just unavoidable.

Quick Hits: With Odd Combinations

We got one heavily armed recreational vehicle ...

Name the movie! You know you can.

Anywho, in Butler Kansas, a car dealer has started giving away guns with the purchase of a new car. That's right, guns. In fact, he recommends you choose the Kel-Tec .380 pistol because it is a "nice little gun that fits in your pocket." (See photo)

Fits in your pocket? Let me get this straight, not only is this car dealer handing out guns, he is handing out guns designed specifically to be concealed? Can he do that?

He says he started the give away in response to Barak Obama's comments about people clinging to religion and their guns. He found it offensive.

So basically, an angry conservative is handing out free, easy to conceal guns to like-minded people and it's legal. What's next? Free guns with every donation of $1,000 or more to the Republican National Committee?

And people wonder why the rest of the world has such a disgusted look on their collected faces when they look at us.

I guess the bottom line is this: if who come across a guy in a new car in Butler Kansas, he isn't that excited to see you and that really is a gun in his pocket.

Buy a Car, Get a Gun

"Mrs. Robinson, Are you voting for me?"

For those of you who follow American Idol, a little news story dissecting David Cook's win. We all know that in the end, it comes down to the demographic to which the contestants appeal. If you get to the finals, you have some level of talent, then it's about getting people to vote.

David Archuleta had the Disney crowd firmly in his corner. The teens were split, some loved Cook, some loved Archuleta. So what happened, why didn't Archuleta run away with the title?

Cougars.

That's what they are calling the sexually active middle aged women who either practice, or fantasize about, sex with younger men. And they voted like crazy for David Cook. They want him and they don't have to feel guilty because he is of legal age.

Linda Sharp, smitten as a schoolgirl, voted 473 times for Cook after Tuesday’s final performance show. The 42-year-old married mom used her land-line and cell phone — as well as her three daughters’ cell phones — to show support for the singer.

“The biggest thing: He’s legal, and that goes a long way,” said Sharp, who’s from Austin, Texas. “He’s 25. That’s old enough that we can openly ogle him, and we can drool over him, and it doesn’t make us feel like we could be his mother.”

So wait. Let me get this straight. They voted for David Cook because he is 25 they didn't feel guilty about wanting to fuck him. Doesn't that imply that one of the reasons they didn't vote for Archuleta was because they felt guilty about drooling over a 17 year-old?

A few of you out there are shaking your heads saying, "No way, the T-Dude doesn't know shit." But I merely report'em as I see'em in Quick Hits, just click on the story below for more details.

Cougars4Cook

Charles Dickens Would Be Proud

Honestly, just read the story. I won't go into all the details. The bottom line is this. A woman's house was sold out from under her, without her knowledge, to pay a $68 dental bill. The house was sold in 1996. She continued to live there, make mortgage payments etc. No one told her it had been sold until 1998. And the courts and the sheriff all agree, it's legal. Just give it a read and wonder, what kind of country do we live in when things like this can happen.

Woman Loses Home Over $68 Dental Bill

Do you wanna Twitter?

It sounds slightly dirty, doesn't it? Actually it is a way to post short blurbs from a mobile device to an online community. Twitter describes itself as

Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?

I'm giving it a try. What the heck -- it's free! You can follow and post messages online or via mobile device. I'm using my text friendly LG Rumor with QWERTY keyboard to post on the fly.

You only have 140 characters to play with so you have to be pithy. Frankly, I'm not sure if I like it or not, but I'm having fun playing with it. You can follow the "twitters" of as many people as you like. I've just grabbed a few randoms and I'm reading along as they post about their days. Some are funny, some stupid. It is a touch voyeuristic, but fun for the moment.

To check out Twitter.com just click: Twitter.com

If you want to follow me, just "find and follow" TheTDude

Edwards Endorses Obama

Well, if that doesn't convince the rest of you that the time has come for Sen. Clinton to step aside, what will?

Edwards has endorsed Obama. Obama has more delegates, he leads in the national polls, he leads in the popular vote. Sen. Clinton, on behalf of the Democratic Party I belong to, on behalf of the Democratic Party I have served since the age of 11, I am asking, please, suspend your campaign and join us in the true fight, the fight to regain our country.

Men and women are serving and dying in an unjust war. Families are losing their homes in a housing crisis borne from ill-advised economic policies. Gas prices artificially inflated with the blood of U.S. soldiers are making people choose between food and housing and driving. Now is not the time to let the heat of the battle cloud your judgement as to what the the right thing is to do.

I worked for the Democratic National Committee. I worked at Clinton headquarters in Little Rock in 1992. I was a minor member of your husband's administration serving at the pleasure of the President. I was on the ground fighting so that our country could change direction after the first Bush presidency. And now Sen. Clinton, as a private citizen, no longer in the trenches of political intrigue, I am asking for you to return the favor of my service, service of which I am most proud. Step aside and let us unite in a common fight against the wrongs we have suffered for the past eight years.

You say you are ready to serve. Right now, we need you to prove your willingness by stepping aside so that we can, as a party, as a country, unite around a common goal, the election of Sen. Obama to the office of the President of the United States.

Today is not your time, unless you embrace the noble act of concession that will be regarded by history as an act for the greater good. The greater good, not personal glory, is what you are fighting for, is it not?

Step aside Sen. Clinton and allow the forces of tolerance and unification to heal the wounds of this our United States. Doing so would be not only an act of leadership, but an act of the ultimate courage. The courage to ignore personal glory and gain for the greater good.

I know you are capable, I only ask that you act so that others can see the strength that I know you possess. Step aside Sen. Clinton and let the world see the hero that you can be, let the world know that we in America are not what George Bush embodies. We are united, we are compassionate, and we are strong enough to put our differences aside for the common good of all.

Quick Hits - Now With Senior Citizens

Old, White, Less Educated = A Clinton Win

There will be a huge Clinton win in the West Virginia Democratic primary. Why? Because West Virginia's demographics are a perfect fit for her. Compared to other states, West Virginia is older, whiter and less educated.

According to my wife's cousin, this is exactly why we need Obama to be the Democratic nominee. She thinks the last group of people you want deciding the future of our country are a bunch of racially homogeneous, under-educated geriatrics.

Besides, they're going to vote for McCain anyway. Remember, West Virginia went to George W. Bush in both 2000 and 2004.

CNN: Likely Clinton win in W. Virginia won't derail Obama


Patience is a Virtue

A 46-year-old Louisiana woman, in an apparent fit of anger, ran over her 90-year-old husband in the parking lot of a car wash.

Honey, I don't care how angry you were, the guy was 90! If you really wanted to kill him, just jump out from behind a door and scream "BOO!" Or even better, show a little restraint and let Mother Nature do your dirty work for you. Just like a football team up by 30 points in the fourth quarter, the clock was certainly on your side on this one.

AP: 46-Year-Old Wife Charged With Murdering 90-Year-Old Husband

Psst...Buddy, Wanna Buy a Bridge?

When I was younger, the definition of gullible was someone dumb enough to "buy" the Brooklyn Bridge. In fact, according to the Bartleby.com New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy:

The Brooklyn Bridge is mentioned in several common expressions about the sale of the bridge by one person to another (the bridge is actually public property). A person who “could sell someone the Brooklyn Bridge” is persuasive; a person who “tries to sell the Brooklyn Bridge” is extremely dishonest; a person who “would buy the Brooklyn Bridge” is gullible.

Well, the Brooklyn Bridge is turning 125-years-old.

Happy Birthday Brooklyn Bridge. I'll catch ya at the diner for the early bird. We'll go whole hog and have real cream and sugar in our coffee.

BTW: It makes you wonder, if the Brooklyn Bridge is 125 and still standing up to the pounding of millions of commuters every year, what the hell happened to that bridge in Minneapolis last year? I guess they really don't make'em like they used to.

Yahoo News: Brooklyn Bridge celebrates 125th birthday

Clinton and Eight Belles, Two Broken Horses in Two Great Races

It is 11:32 pm here in the Midwest and Indiana is still too close to call. Clinton has 51 percent of the vote with Obama at 49 percent. Even with 92 percent of the vote in, no one is saying anything about the winner of this race. The reason? Lake county, the county closest to Chicago, has only reported 56 percent of their vote. Of that 56 percent, Obama has 65 percent.

So what does this mean. Well, two things. First, Obama could actually still win Indiana, but even if he doesn't, we have a little more clarity as to who the nominee should be for the Democrats.

Obama creamed Clinton in North Carolina by somewhere in the range of 230,000 votes. With a virtual split of Indiana and a big win in North Carolina, he has increased his lead in the popular vote and the pledged delegate vote. Even if he can't get to the magic number of 2,025 needed to secure a first ballot nomination, he will most likely lead Clinton when they walk into Denver.

The time has come for the good of the party for Hillary Clinton to stop campaigning. The math for her is terrible. And this isn't a sport, it is the future of our country. Unlike football or baseball, you shouldn't keeping fighting until the the final whisle for the sake of sportsmanship. Instead, for the good of the party and the good of the country, she needs to step aside.

She was hoping for a miracle, but what she got is what most of us get on a daily basis, a healthy dose of reality.

Like the filly who broke down at the Kentucky Derby, Hillary is going to finish second, but if she rides all the way to the finish line, she'll end up as nothing more than an also ran who ended up more hurt than the race was worth. And like those of us who love the Derby, watching her fail in her effort will do nothing more than leave a sour taste in our mouths.

Sen. Clinton, please don't be the Eight Belles of this campaign season. We're going to need you during the general election and after we take the White House. And in a race this important, a broken horse does us no good.