Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

The Koala Bear and the Lizard

One day a small lizard was walking through the forest. He smelled pot and looked up to find a koala bear sitting in a tree.

The little lizard looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The bear replied, "I'm getting high, come on up." So the lizard joined the bear in the tree.

They continued to smoke joint after joint until finally the little lizard said, "My mouth is dry like cotton."

The koala bear agreed and told the lizard to go down to the river and get a drink and in the meantime he would roll another joint.

The little lizard attempted to lean over to drink water from the river and was so stoned, he fell right in and started splashing around.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to help the lizard to shore. He said, "Lizard what is wrong with you?"

The lizard replied, "I've been getting stoned with the koala bear. I needed water and fell in the river."

The crocodile said, "I don't believe this. Take me to the tree you were in."

So they walked through the forest and they come to the tree where the koala bear was sitting. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey koala bear, what are you doing up there?"

The koala bear looked down and said, "Holy crap dude, how much water did you drink?"

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You!

An E-mail Funny from a Friend

Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said: "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Ralph Nader stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most truthful of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new eco-friendly car in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said , "I think I'm the most ambitious of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next presidential campaign.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Pete Townsend Never Met George Bush

Personally, I feel like I've been fooled again, regardless of what The Who may have told us. First, it turns out that there are no WMD's, even though the President told us there were. Now I find out that the US intelligence agencies had no evidence of ties between Iraq and al-Qaida, even though the President told us that the War in Iraq was a war on terror. In the real world, this is called Bait and Switch, and it is illegal.

Maybe we'd all be better off if Consumer Reports rated the President instead of the mainstream press.

Senate: No prewar Saddam-al-Qaida ties

Oh...my aching ARM

Delta Screws Pilots, Feds Will Say O.K.

It a very disturbing trend over the past decade or more, a large corporation, in this case Delta Airlines, is being allowed to bail out on a promise to its employees. A judge has ruled that Delta can pass off its pension obligations to the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. (PBGC). Basically, the PBGC is the federal insurance for pension plans. If a company can't live up to its promise to pay a pension to its employees, then the PBGC is forced to shell out money -- taxpayer money -- to cover it, usually at a significantly reduced level. I'm all for the free enterprise system, but we need to start requiring that companies offering a pension fully fund those programs. Personally, I'm tired of watching CEO's live in multi-million dollar mansions while the workers who put them there get screwed because the company can't live up its obligations.

Judge OKs killing of Delta pilots pension plan

Sorry...

I have been very busy and have been unable to post. I promise that I will have new stuff soon...lots of notes, no time to post! Enjoy this funny offering from T-ShirtHumor.com while you wait.

Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory...

I am not a religious man, never have been. But I got to tell you, this Ken Lay thing is almost enough to convert me. The only reason it isn't is that I'm not sure that taking him now was truly Justice in the biblical sense. If this was the hand of God doling out punishment, wouldn't he have suffered more for the enjoyment of his victims here on earth? From my read of the bible, I remember a lot of nasty punishments, stonings and the like.

Very ugly stuff.

No, this seems more like a guy who had suffered enough stress to power Toledo finally getting the chest grabber that was bound to come sometime.

An awfully tough way to stay out of jail if you ask me.

The Ho Tax -- Stiffer Penalties for Servicing Stiffies

You have to love Sen. Charles Grassley from the Great State of Iowa. This is a guy that no one thought would amount to much. Back in 1980 when he was the young senator from Iowa along with Roger Jepsen, he was the smarter half of the team known as "Those guys from Iowa, you know, Tweedledum and Tweedledummer."

But then he did something that made him a hero back home, he pushed around some Pentagon uniform with a body in it about over out of control defense spending. Nothing plays better in Des Moines than pushing some General up against a wall because he's spending 600 bucks a piece for toilet seats. Suddenly, Chuck was the real deal and the folks at home loved him.

Now he's the chairman of the powerful Senate Finance Committee and probably in his seat from Iowa until he either dies or wanders away from the DC retirement home known as the Hart Senate Office Building.

But until that time comes, Chuck isn't sitting on his past glory. He's got more fish to fry, and this time he's targeting pimps and hos.


Yes, that's right. I said pimps and hos. Hookers and Madams. Ladies of the Evening. Streetwalkers. Workers in the World's Oldest Profession. Chuck thinks he has the answer to the vast prostitution problem in Iowa and the rest of the country.

Taxes. He wants pimps to make their hookers fill-out W2 forms and pay withholding taxes or face ten years in the federal pen on tax charges.

I am not defending pimps, but this is just stupid. It was brilliant to get Al Capone on tax evasion, but sending the IRS out after armed pimps is just dopey. Accountants pay pimps, not arrest them.

Besides, all this will do is increase the quality of the prostitution operation. That's right, like the war on drugs, this move will only increase the cost and quality of the hookers available. By making them pay taxes, you are going to force them to become more professional, more business-like. Escort services will flourish and prostitution will be legitimized.

Also, does Sen. Grassley honestly think that the average pimp on the street is paying income taxes anyway? No way. Whoring is a cash business. If you wanted to take them down for tax evasion, you could do that today. You could even have a cool street name for it. Pimps all across the country would be talking about how the pimp up the street was doing time "'cause he got Caponed."

Senator, do us all a favor. Stick to messing with the Pentagon when they are screwing the American taxpayers and leave the pimps to the local Vice squad. They are the real experts when it comes to stopping hookers from screwing the taxpayers for money.

GOP Senator Calls For Pimp Tax

Camels, Needles and Rich Guys

Well, it would appear that someone has been reading the Book of Matthew recently. Anyone picked Buffet for the Dead Pool yet? He sure is acting like someone who recently got some bad medical news.

Hey, I'm not complaining. I think this is exactly the kind of thing the mega-rich ought to be doing.

Buffett to begin giving fortune away to charities

For those of you who don't get the reference: Verse 24