Friday, January 18, 2008

Britney Spears on Wild Kingdom

Question: How do you know that you should modify your life?

Answer: When you’re only 26 years old and the Associated Press is working on your obituary.

For the 12 of you who didn’t know this, large news organizations write the obits of famous people in advance. But they don’t usually start that file for 26 year-olds. You have to be on a pretty obvious downward spiral to hit the radar of the obit writers before the age of 30. You see most reporters don't feel motivated to work if they aren't on a deadline.

Sophia Loren, Mickey Rooney, Nancy Reagan, the AP has their obits all typed up and ready to go. But that isn't exactly the kind of company you should be keeping when you're a 26 year-old pop singer.

Brit, get some serious help girlfriend. Quit flashing your pussy in public, quit drinking, quit driving, stay in your fucking house and get help. Until you do, K-Fed will have the kids, the vultures will continue to circle and the leeches that are your “friends” and the entertainment/celebrity media will bleed you dry.

Like they used to show us on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, the weakest of the herd get eaten, and right now you’re staggering around like a drunk, three-legged zebra with a death wish. Brit baby, the lions have invited you to dinner and it’s not as a guest.

In related news, Dr. Phil might be under investigation by the California Board of Psychology for his attention grabbing visit to the hospital after Britney Spears’ latest melt down. Apparently they frown on illegally practicing without a license violating doctor patient priviledge which is what the filed complaint alleges. It is only a complaint at this point, but the news story does give us this little factoid:

“McGraw [Dr. Phil] is also not licensed to practice psychology in Texas, his home state, because of disciplinary sanctions imposed by the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists in 1989. A former therapy client had filed a complaint against him, claiming their relationship was inappropriate. He later admitted giving her a job but denied touching her, the Post reported.”
So, Dr. Phil lost his right to practice in his home state because the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists believed that he had an “inappropriate relationship” with a patient. Now he is under investigation for alleged violations in California. I just have one question:

Hey Dr. Phil! How’s that workin’ for ya?

Even better, I wonder how Oprah is feeling right about now. First the girls school in Africa gets hit with abuse charges and now the shrink she turned into a star is acting like some poor, attention starved child who will do anything to stay relevant.

Bottom Line: Brit needs help before she ends up hurting herself even worse. Love her or hate her, she needs help.


Patti said...

Oh come out, the campaign can't be that boring that you have to return to Brit patrol. Tony, try to hold on until the Nevada Caucus tomorrow!

Jim said...

I'm guessing Amy Winehouse's obit is all worked up as well.

The T-Dude said...

Patti - The AP is writing her obit! And Dr. Phil lost his license in TX for screwing a patient. Who could pass on that?

I'm starting to worry that my hopes for Obama in NV were off base. The polling has pulled back in the last few days.

Jim - They reserve space in half the major dailys around the country and are surprised every day when they have to pull Amy Winehouse's obit because she was too contrary to die that day.

EXSENO said...

Britney certainly has a bad case of something doesn't she. She needs some real help. Somebody needs to commit her to someplace that she can't just walk out of in a couple of days.
It looks like she keeps getting worse instead of better. How can you not show up to your own kids custody hearing.

Sheila said...

Seems I read where one attorney for Spears was quitting. She seriously needs someone with a level head to help her. Poor thing, she is tumbling way out of control.

Jim said...

No one can tell her what to do. She is an adult with too much money (remember Rosanne Barr?) and not enough sense.

She will need to commit some sort of crime and be admitted to a hospital before she gets any help.

Martini said...

Isn't the world weird when you EXPECT a celeb like Britney to have bit the bullet by now instead of someone under the radar, like Heath Ledger?