Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Quick Hits - For Medicinal Purposes

I'm sorry for the kind of graphic nature of parts of this post, but the news yesterday was just a little penis heavy. It happens that way sometimes.

I've Got Indiana On My Mind

Hillary won Pennsylvania by ten points. That means the split of Pennsylvania's pledged delegates is at least 80 for Sen. Clinton and 66 for Sen. Obama with 12 yet to be decided.

That means that Sen. Obama still has a triple digit lead in delegates, the lead in the popular vote, and in a recent ABCNews poll Democrats said 2-1 that Sen. Obama is more likely to win in the fall.

Indiana voters, I implore you. Put an end to this. Vote Obama and let the Democrats regroup for the real fight, the fight for the keys to the White House.

AP: Clinton's win still leaves her the underdog

Just A Closer Float With Thee?

Whatever happened to the church bake sale or bowl-a-thon for charity? I guess in these days of Survivor and Fear Factor, the public just isn't entertained by peach cobbler and rented shoes anymore.

Roman Catholic Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli decided to raise money for a "spiritual" rest-stop for truckers in Paranagua, Brazil. To do it, he wanted to break a record for the longest time in-flight with helium-filled party balloons. That's right, he strapped a bunch of party balloons to a chairs and planned to fly for 19 hours at an altitude of around 17,000 feet.

They have found balloons in the ocean, but no sign of him.

International Herald: Rescuers reach balloons off Brazil's coast but fail to find priest seeking flight record

It's Not That, I'm Self-Medicating!

Aussie researchers have published a study that says men who masturbate five or more times a week are a third less likely to get prostate cancer.

Wow, this is a huge turn around. We've gone from self-gratification causing hairy palms and blindness to it being a potentially life saving activity. The next thing you know, massage parlors are going to start advertising prostate treatments.

"Excuse me sir, can I interest you in the latest prostate cancer preventative? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more."

Yahoo News: Masturbation may prevent prostate cancer

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

I don't even know what to say. Sometimes the stories just speak for themselves.

This from Reuters:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

For the full story, go to: Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital


Phil said...

Wow, I always though that "happy ending" meant something else, but I guess it means no prostate cancer.

I am with you on the people of Indiana. I doubt that Hillary will drop out ever for any reason, but I think that if he wins both Indiana and North Carolina she will be in the race in name only.

Anonymous said...

Boy, you guys have all the cancer prevention luck. This is a clear example of why we need the Women's Health Initiative to equalize medical research between men and women.

Martini said...

Way off topic - but your daughter has a brilliant mind. Little extras like the flash photography really make a costume. My favourites are always group costumes. You're getting me all excited.

The T-Dude said...

Phil - No bad deed goes unrewarded.

Anon - Call me crass, but I'm sure some government agency would give up a grant to study the health benefits of female masturbation if you ask nicely.

Martini - Yes, she is. Thanks for noticing. I think I'll wear a fedora with a "Press" card stuck in the brim.

TheHMC said...

I thought that I responded to this last week! I suppose that's what I get for being blonde.

She's not going to leave the race. I think she dug her nails in long ago and at this point, no matter what happens from here on out, she's going to prove that she won't give up (even if it gets to the point that she has no chance).
Annoying as hell, isn't it? I can already see her, a year from now, still convinced that she has a chance at winning. Blissfully unaware that she lost long, long ago. (now watch me be wrong. I think we're ok though, because that so rarely happens ;))

Am I the only one that's seriously sad for the priest? He could've gotten a lot more publicity(and enormous donations, I'm sure) had he strapped Hillary to the chair. THAT one, I would've paid at least $100 to see(more if I were rich and didn't have to feed my little crumb snatchers).

How can I get me a penis snatching sorcerer to visit my house? With 4 males in the house that always "miss", I'd pay thousands for a few 'snatchings' of our own here.