Thursday, May 29, 2014

"But what about Chris' right to live?"

Samuel Wurzelbacher
Every time one of these mass shooting tragedies happens, some moron has to give the “Guns don’t kill people” speech.  You’d think they would be smart enough to keep their mouths shut, but they just can’t help themselves.  Zealots are like that I guess. But this one is particularly disgusting.

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, also known as Joe the Plumber, was the poster child for the McCain/Palin campaign.  He was supposed to be the example of how Democratic policies were keeping the hard working little guy down. He recently penned an open letter to the parents of the Santa Barbara victims.  In this letter, he wrote:

"I am sorry you lost your child. I myself have a son and daughter and the one thing I never want to go through, is what you are going through now. But: As harsh as this sounds -- your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights,"

Well, I have an open letter for Mr. Wurzelbacher:
Dear Mr. Plumber,

As harsh as this sounds, you can go fuck yourself.  In fact, why not use that gun of yours to do it. Just take the bullets out (Safety First!) and shove it straight up your ass.

Oh, and while you’re enjoying that bit of self abuse, think about this: You are wrong. The children killed in Isla Vista, in Aurora, in Sandy Hook, and in the streets of Chicago every day had a right to live.  They had the right to grow up and get married and have kids of their own.  They were given that right by the U.S. Constitution as well as by God.

The Preamble to the Constitution reads:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
I think, and I suspect most scholars would agree, that getting gunned down in the streets is a violation of these founding principles.

Now Sam, I know you are not a scholar. You’re just an average Joe trying to make his way in the world, but even you can agree that an innocent kid getting shot to death is surely a violation of his Constitutional rights.

(That gun making your bungholio sore?  Try more lube.)

The 2nd Amendment says “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

The very first phrase sets the context for the rest of the sentence.  In Heller, the U.S. Supreme Court stated that "[t]he adjective 'well regulated' implies nothing more than the imposition of proper discipline and training."

The vast majority of average Joe’s do not have the proper discipline and training to own anything more than a BB gun.  I know you were in the Air Force Sam, but Joe Six-Pack wasn’t.  His training was at best his old man telling him how to shoot, how to load, and how not to shoot himself or his buddies by mistake.  But I really don’t think that qualifies as “well regulated”.

Besides, anyone who has even glanced at the history of this amendment knows that it was intended to be an alternative to a standing federal army.  Nowhere in the debate was defense against common crime or the right to go hunting ever mentioned.  This was about providing for the “common defense”, the defense of our country, not your right to blast away at scary people on your doorstep or at fuzzy critters in the woods.

And don’t get me started on assault rifles.  They are designed to kill people.  They were intended for the military.  Joe Six-Pack isn’t military and he doesn’t need to have a 30 round magazine in a semi-auto killing machine.

Besides, you’re a “gun guy”, you and I both know that a short barreled shot gun is the very best choice for home defense.  It won’t accidentally send a bullet down the street and kill your neighbor and you don’t need much aim to use it.

How’s that sphincter feeling right about now?  Hurts? Well, now you know how the rest of us feel about you gun nuts and your misguided, ignorant and hurtful statements like the one you made to the parents of those dead kids.  You are a huge pain in the rest of our asses and we’d really like you to just shut the fuck up. 
The T-Dude
The bottom line is this: gun control is constitutional, it is appropriate, and it is proven to be an effective way to reduce gun deaths. We force car owners to have liability insurance, to be licensed, to pass tests.  Shouldn't that be at least the minimum requirement to own something specifically designed to kill? You may have a right to bear arms, but that right was never intended to fill our streets with weapons…and the bodies of dead children.

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