Religion and Government Don't Mix

Top Five Baseball Movies

My wife and I are fond of baseball movies.  In fact, I think we've seen nearly every major baseball movie ever made.  From the mind numbingly stupid (and yet very funny) Benchwarmers to the sad and depressing Bang The Drum Slowly we've seen the best and the worst of what Hollywood has to offer when it comes to America's Pastime.

With that in mind, I hope you will accept this, my top five best baseball movies of all time.  While you read, please feel free to enjoy this excellent clip of Dave Brubeck playing the timeless jazz classic Take Five.

Number Five: The Natural - While this movie is a bit over the top, if the top is Mount Everest, it is beautiful.  It looks like the fairy tale that baseball is for America. From the slow motion footage of the lights exploding to the great exteriors, this is a wonderful movie to see.  And as my wife points out, the best baseball movies are about hope and redemption and this film is the all that wrapped in some spectacular cinematography. And if you ever needed something to remind you that here in America, we'll root for the underdog, just watch this movie.

Number Four: A League of Their Own - "There's no crying in baseball."  If only for that classic quote, it makes my list.  I can't tell you the number of times I've used that line with my nine-year-old's softball team. 

But it's not just that one line, Tom Hanks is awesome in this film about the professional women's baseball leagues that existed during WWII. He is funny, smart, and he gives a wonderful performance. Now, despite the fact that it also has both Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell in it, it is well acted all around. It captures the struggles America had with the changing roles of women as men went off to war.  It is Rosie the Riveter in cleats and well worth two hours of your time.

Number Three: Bull Durham - One of two Kevin Costner films on the list, Bull Durham is a great portrait of how minor league baseball truly is a religion for small town America.  As a guy who grew up on minor league ball, the last career gasps of Crash Davis as he tries teach Ebby Calvin "Nuke" La Loosh what it means to be a big league ball player is a great tutorial for anyone who wants to know what baseball is all about. To this day, I use the line "million dollar arm, ten cent head" in day-to-day conversation. And it might be the last time that Susan Sarandon was truly hot on film.

Number Two: Field of Dreams - Depending on who you ask, this is either a pretentious, self-indulgent movie filled with ham handed imagery or it is the best baseball movie ever made. My wife would fall in the later camp.  She would even put this movie in the top five movies of all time. As she puts it, "[Field of Dreams is a]combination of baseball, relationships, magic, hope and love. Those things we all want to believe in. Most importantly, it's a movie about second chances." She's right and mostly I agree with her, but today, for my money, this movie falls just short of my number one baseball movie of all-time.

Number One: The Sandlot - There are many people who will call me crazy, but this is a wonderful baseball movie.  In fact, it is likely a better baseball movie than it is a movie.  A brainy, mildly geeky kid moves to a new town with his mom and step-father and struggles to make friends until a local sandlot baseball player champions his inclusion with the rest of the kids.  A fat catcher with great one liners, a geeky kid with a taste for the ladies, a monstrous beast who eats baseballs and an autograph of Babe Ruth all come together in a great story that reflects not just a love for the game, but the innocent time when people like me fell in love with it.

Other than the language of 12 year-old boys, it is a movie that is safe for the whole family and it gives you a sense of longing for the simplicity of childhood when a baseball, some gloves, a bat and a sandlot were all it took to make not only a lifetime of special memories, but also a hero.

For Honorable Mention, throw in Major League, Eight Men Out and The Rookie.  All good baseball movies that are worth a rental.  In fact, the Rookie makes Carolyn's Top Five list.  I liked it, but there is only room for five and tough choices had to be made. 

Since I mentioned it, here is Carolyn's top five list.  I can't argue with any of her choices, heck, they are the same as mine except The Rookie and A League of Their Own.  The only other difference is the order.
Carolyn's Top Five Baseball Movies:

5) The Rookie
4) The Sandlot
3) The Natural
2) Bull Durham
1) Field of Dreams

In any order, watch'em all, you won't be disappointed in any of these films featuring the boys of summer. And as a Cubs fan, I think I'll watch them on an endless loop through October.  I think that's the only way to keep my love for the game from being tainted by the massive craps they've been taking on the field at Wrigley and around the rest of the NL.

Guilty Pleasures - Part II

About a year and a half ago, I fessed up to some guilty pleasures. Looking back, they all still apply although some are harder to enjoy these days. (Unfortunately, no TV exec. has realized the complete genius of Celebrity Poker Showdown and brought it back for those of us who truly appreciated its pure entertainment value.)

But since it's been so long, I figured it was time to update the list.  So for my public confession, I offer up the following list of guilty pleasures.

MythBusters

Is it a silly show?  Yes.  Is it a teenage boy's dream to get a job where you get paid to build stuff and then blow it up/shoot it off/throw it out of a helicopter? Yes.  Will I ever grow up? No. 

Listen, I still think fart jokes are funny and a show where they build the Captain Kirk Gorn Cannon and test it is awesome.  The fact that they film it with a super high speed camera makes it even better.

And to set the record straight - Kari Byron has nothing to do with my having seen nearly every episode. Really. Cute, funny redheads who like to blow things up aren't in the least bit attractive.

Hamm's Beer

I guess when you spend your summers as young man in the "land of sky blue waters" you are bound to pick up a few things. A love of water skiing, an affinity for fishing and a taste for Hamm's beer. Is it great beer?  Not even close.  It is your typical American lager, the butt of the famous joke, "Why is American beer like making love in a canoe? Because it's fucking close to water."

But when you grow up sneaking them out of your uncle's cooler on a warm summer night with the cool breeze off the lake carrying the sounds of loons calling and small mouth bass jumping, it's more about the memory than the taste.

Twister

Not the game, the movie.  Starring Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt, Gary Elwes, Jami Gertz and Philip Seymore Hoffman, this action flick based on tornado chasing researchers is a tad predictable and formulaic. Okay, it's very predictable and formulaic. But I have always wanted to chase tornadoes, it looks like fun.  And when you add in a love interest, an underdog versus the well-funded competition and cheesy dialog, it is a much watch on a lazy Saturday afternoon. 

The best part is that it has been on heavy rotation for the past couple of years.  Just like Independence Day a few years ago, it seems to be on once every couple of weeks and always worth watching.  Well, at least the first couple of reels.  The ending is so over the top that even I have a little gag response, but not enough to make me switch channels.

Well, that's enough embarrassment for now.  Now it's time for you to tell me your guilty pleasures. You'll feel better once you confess, I promise.  I know I will feel better once you confess and since this is my blog, it's really all about me.

The Economic Shitter

Housing sales?  Down.  Factory Orders? Down. Housing permits? Down. Jobs? Not enough. Unemployment benefits? Running out, again.

On behalf of all of middle income America, I'd like to thank all of you idiots who voted for Bush the second time and put us in this crap position. 

And when this turns into a double dip recession, I want you to remember that it could have been a global depression had it not been for the swift and sage leadership of President Obama.

I just hope he has the guts to go all Roosevelt on us when the shit hits the fan again.

NBC News report on the crappy economic numbers

Happy Fourth of July -- I wonder if we can afford sparklers...

White Collar vs Blue Collar (Guess who's getting screwed.)

I offer you two pieces of information. 

Number one: In 2009, the number of millionaires in the U.S. grew by 15 percent to 4.7 million people. The total estimated population of the U.S. in 2009 was 305,529,237 people meaning that about 1.5 percent of the U.S. population were millionaires. 

Now are you ready for the kick in the balls?

That rich ass 1.5 percent of the U.S. population holds 55 percent of the wealth. That's right, half of U.S. wealth is in the possession of 1.5 percent of the people. And the rich got richer last year in the final year of an epic recession while the rest of us were putting off retirement and drinking off brand sodas.

I'm no Commie, but those numbers tell me one thing; we have forgotten what has made us great as an economic power, a vibrant and healthy middle class.

Now for information nugget number two: The suits at General Motors have forbidden their employees to use the term "Chevy" when referring to a Chevrolet.  They have gone so far as to have "swear jars" where worker violators are expected to place 25 cents every time they say the forbidden word.

The middle class is disappearing right before our eyes and auto workers are being told that they can't say Chevy. 

Honestly, I don't know what has happened to my America, but I don't like it.  The people who say Chevy are the people who built this country.  They did it as part of a deal.  Give me a good living wage, and I'll give you an honest day's work building a future for both my country and my family.

The cherry on this shit sundae?  While the number of millionaires rose 15 percent, U.S. wages in 2009 rose just 1.8 percent, the smallest increase since they started keeping track.

It isn't just an old adage to say "the rich get richer", it is the reality in America.

The $5,000 Dollar Cat

I'm not really a cat person.  We have a cat, and it's a nice cat, but it's still a cat.  A friend of mine has a cat and I have to say, I think she's really a cat person because she just dropped 5 large on urinary track surgery and other treatments to keep her cat alive.

That's right, 5 grand. 

Hey, it's her money and if she wants to spend it keeping an aging cat around for a few more years, then bully for her.  But that ain't happening in my house.

I guess it's a good thing our cat can't read or she might be looking for a kitty divorce before it's too late.

Successful Chubby Chasing Has Basis in Science (And it's our fault...)

It's true...heavy girls are more likely to put out.

According to a new study:

Overweight girls are more likely to start having sex early, to have multiple partners during their teen years, and to eschew condoms compared to thinner teens, a new study shows. And the situation worsens as the number of excess pounds goes up.

While it's true that heavy girls tend to enter puberty sooner, the obvious reason for this behavior is low self-esteem and the study author concurs.  Heavy girls don't feel good about themselves and can seek outside affirmation in the form of sex.

But why do they feel so crummy about themselves?  Because they believe the horse shit that society spews about how skinny girls are pretty and heavy girls aren't.  Every time someone buys a copy of Vogue, Cosmopolitan or any of those other advertorial woman's rags that pack product pitches around "articles" full of diet tips and 101 ways to better orgasms they are just giving their money to the very people who are screwing up our young girls.

Personally, I think the best thing that women could do for each other is boycott those mind warping shit mags. They provide little or no value to society and do a lot to promote an unhealthy self image in young and older woman alike.

And people say porn is demeaning to women...

MSNBC: Heavy Girls have Sex Earlier

On a personal note, both my wife and I think Sara Ramirez is sexy hot and I don't think anyone would ever call her skinny.

In the Style of Larry King…

I’m just wondering. With their new law targeting illegal immigrants, will there be a big uptick in traffic arrests for DWC (Driving While Canadian) in Arizona? Somehow I doubt it.

The world doesn't care if Justice Scalia “eats at the Y” on his off time, why does it matter if Elena Kagan does?

Transocean, the rig owner for the Gulf oil spill site, has a liability cap that limits the amount of money that they can be sued for. Can I have a liability cap so I can ignore safety regulations, pour oil into Lake Michigan, and have 11 people die because of my negligence without fear of having to really pay for it?

A 16 year-old girl sailed around the world – solo. Most kids won’t walk around the block without complaining.

A picture of Kim Kardashian without make up news isn't news. Do people really believe that she would look the same? That's why they call it "make-up." Kim Kardashian poses without makeup

The Supreme Court has ruled that the “sexually dangerous” can be kept in jail even after their sentences are up. But what about the sexually oogie? I’m looking at you Hugh Hefner and Larry King. Even the mental image of those guys doing it is a public menance.

Speaking of sexually oogie…

Quote of the week:

"There was no doubt about what he wanted, the randy old thing," the woman told local papers. "I turned around and saw this big kangaroo behind me, so I hastened my steps," she said.

The woman said the obviously aroused animal bounded off when other walkers approached and she sought to escape.

Amorous Aussie roo has outback residents hopping


Headline of the Week: Have retailers stopped selling used lingerie?

Now that’s a reporter with a real nose for news.

Long Time, No See...Really, Don't See It

I've been gone.

(And now, playing the role of Captain Obvious is The T-Dude.)

It isn't that I haven't had anything to say, it's just that I've been too tired, too distracted, too occupied to take the time to write them down.

I was missing a muse. I had nothing to inspire me to write. It was, in many ways, just the same old shit on a brand new day after day after day...

And then I saw Oceans, the new aquatic offering from Disney films, brought to theaters just in time for Earth Day. Now, suddenly, I was inspired. All those wonderful pictures of dolphins and whales and cuttlefish inspired me to write the first sentence I wanted to write in weeks. It formed in my mind as the film unfolded before me, it was as if I actually saw the words on the screen:

"Don't see Oceans! Like sea water from a whale's head, it BLOWS! And not just once, but over and over again for the entire life of the film."

Almost poetry, really.

Here is where the movie went wrong...it began. Then it got worse, Pierce Brosnan's voice began narrating. Well, sort of. It began as a dramatic reading trying to describe what it means to encounter and KNOW the ocean. There was an all-American boy on a beach dune, wind in his hair, a faraway look in his eager for discovery eyes. In his defense, Pierce didn't write the crap he said. And I suppose one could almost forgive the overly dramatic delivery as an attempt to cover up the utter shit he was being asked to regurgitate.

("The popcorn may have been a mistake," I think to myself as the nausea builds.)

Then the footage starts. It's pretty to look at. Lots of fish, cool creatures, coral etc. And as the film rolls, we are occasionally subjected to VERY PROFOUND AND POETIC descriptions that tell us what we are watching is special. None of it actually teaches us anything, it just fills the auditory space with pretty words that seem to exist only to let us know that what we are seeing is special.

And that's the whole movie. Pretty film interrupted by over written blather in a British accent that adds nothing to the film.

Now I saw this movie with two girls, ages nine and ten. They liked it. They didn't love it, but moving pictures of dolphins make girls that age happy. For the rest of us, we require a bit more. Like some substance.

Bottom line: If you have the need to eat movie popcorn or for two hours of distraction for the kids, go ahead and catch this at the before 2pm discount show, but don't expect much because there isn't much there.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!