The Dreaded Trouser Newt

My wife, among others, is likely to accuse me of defending the actions of President Clinton. I'm not. I don't condone married men getting blow jobs at the office from twenty-something interns. In fact, I don't condone married men getting it from anyone but their wives.

Others may accuse me of doing to Newt what the Republicans did to Clinton. That is also not true. Honestly, I don't care if Newt gets married twenty times and decides to have sex with that Nemo doll he's holding. As long as it isn't obviously illegal, his sexual proclivities are between himself and his wife(s).

But this hypocrisy about feeling obligated to prosecute President Clinton because he lied under oath about getting blown at the office by an intern cannot go unexamined. To quote the Trouser Newt and the AP story:

Gingrich argued in the interview, however, that he should not be viewed as a hypocrite for pursuing Clinton's infidelity.

"The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge," the former Georgia congressman said of Clinton's 1998 House impeachment on perjury and obstruction of justice charges.

"I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

Gingrich acknowledges affair during Clinton impeachment

Bullshit. They got Capone on tax evasion and they went after Clinton for not wanting to publicly admit that he got blow job from an intern.

As an ex-bartender, I can say I've heard lots of guys out there deny that they banged the chubby/ugly/crazy/slutty girl.

But you all forget, I saw you two walk out together, plastered, at 2:00 am the night before, and I heard her and her friends the next day talking about how you don't know how to go down on a girl -- so I KNOW you're lying.

(Lest you folks get the wrong impression, I heard just as many of those types of denials from women. In fact, maybe even more because the women not only wanted to deny the sex, they wanted to deny that they were drunk when they did it.)

Frankly, I could give a rat's arse when it comes to who is blowing/boinking who, just don't get all pious and scream "perjury" when someone lies about it, you know you've lied about it too.

And that is exactly what Gingrich did. When asked about his wandering Trouser Newt, he refused to answer the question. Had it been in a regular court instead of the court of public opinion, he would have been cited for contempt. And contemptible is exactly the word I would use to describe his attempts to paint his actions as anything but hypocrisy.

Newt, you knew that the Republicans had a great issue in "family values" and you tried your hardest to make sure that the voters knew which side of the fence you and your party were on when it came to extra-marital sex. Unfortunately, you forgot the "He who has not sinned..." part of your Sunday bible class and now it's jumped up to bite you in the ass.

We all know the score. Obama paid off his 17-year-old parking tickets from college and Gingrich is trying to clear the air about his cheating on his wives. They both think they might be President and don't want these stories to dog them through the next two years.

Gingrich practically admits it in the AP story.

Gingrich has said he is waiting to see how the Republican field shapes up before deciding in the fall whether to run.

Translation: "I have to see if my well-traveled Trouser Newt is going to hurt me too much to get elected."

For some, particularly the religious right, it might be enough to keep them from supporting your campaign. But when you combine the sex with the number of people who just can't stand a hypocrite, then Mr. Gingrich I think your chances were pretty much doomed by the dreaded Trouser Newt.