Sunday, September 02, 2007

Craig resigns...still not gay...I'd have told them all to fuck off, I'm staying.

Hey, we all saw this one coming. He's still not gay, but he has resigned. I tell you, not matter what happened, this guy wasn't coming back so why leave. If it were me...

(At this point I feel compelled to mention that I am not gay. Don't care if you are, don't really care if he is, but I'm not. And sex in an airport bathroom? Ewwww. I don't even like to piss in airport bathrooms, let alone get lucky. Lord knows what kinds of international Uber-germs are breeding in there.)

... I would have told the rest of the world to fuck off.

My statement would have been something like this:

"I'm not leaving. I got elected and I'm going to show up for votes, participate in debates and all the other stuff Senators do. I won't be talking to the press and I'll have the Capitol Hill Police pull the credentials of any member of the media who comes to my office. It is off limits and I haven't a damn thing else to say to any of you. If you're lucky, I might issue a press release or two before the end of my term but other than that, the hell with you guys."

"And to the rest of the Republican party, I suggest you guys just shut the hell up too. You think I didn't learn a a thing or two about most of you over the past few decades? Do yourselves a favor, find something else to talk about, like ending the war or funding education or fixing the mortgage crisis, I'm sure the American people would rather you all talked about those things. Now go away."

As a PR guy, I know this wouldn't work. The media would track him like a wounded animal and skewer him. The pundits and the columnists would write for weeks about how guilty or demented or dangerous he was, he wouldn't be allowed to sleep or eat. Eventually, they'd get him. They usually do.

But a part of me would like someone to try. You haven't got a chance of getting away with it unless you honestly didn't give a fuck what people say or do. The firestorm would rage for a while, but if you know you're gone and you have nothing left to lose, why not go out on your own terms. The hell with the media and your party. Show up and vote the way the people back home want and spend the rest of the time enjoying those last months of Senatorial privilege.

Man, would that be great theater or what? I know it would never happen, but a guy can dream.

CNN: Craig resigns


Jim said...

Ah, but wouldn't that put in jeopardy all the chances he has of earning money from being a lobbyist?

The T-Dude said...

It's a toss up I think. Most multinational corporations don't give a shit who or what you've been diddling if you can get them the the votes they need. Goats? No problem. Sheep? Put him on the ranchers account. Strangers in the men's room? Haliberton? Perfect, they've been fucking strangers for years and don't seem to have a problem with it.

Jim said...

I'm certain his party loyalty will pay off for him. Look, he resigned for two reasons, so the whole Attorney General thing would be bumped off the radar and so they could appoint another Republican into his seat who will then be able to run as an incumbent.

Ugh. That sad part is I am getting less and less disgusted. I just accept it. I also wonder why no one else seems to see through all the hype.

Maybe Britney is on the Bush payroll. "400 killed? Quick, get Britney to get out of car with no panties! That ought to keep the media (and the public) busy."

thephoenixnyc said...

LISTEN MOTHER FUC$%#$S I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A GAY AMERICAN


Anonymous said...

I'm guilty ... I'm not guilty; I'm not gay ... I just solicit gay acts in restrooms; I'm resigning ... wait, maybe not. Get real. This guy has more flip-flops than the Northwestern Lacrosse team.