Thursday, September 20, 2007

Clever Graffiti and Upcoming Travel

Just outside of the beltway, the multi-lane nightmare of highway that encircles Washington D.C., there is a large Mormon Temple. It is quite a sight as you can see from the picture. Tall ivory towers reaching majestically into the sky with tallest one being topped by a golden trumpeter facing Salt Lake City.

At night, the entire building is bathed in this emerald green light that makes it shimmer like a massive gemstone against the night sky. When you are driving on the beltway, just as you pass this awe inspiring emerald symbol of Mormon faith, you pass under an overpass. When I lived in D.C., written on the side of that overpass in giant black letters was the following message:

Surrender Dorothy

I always thought that was brilliant.

I mention this because I am following the direction of that Golden Trumpeter and am off to Salt Lake City in a few days for business. I won't have much time, but if anyone has some advise on things to see or do, I would certainly like to hear it.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Quick Hits and a Joke about Midget Nuns

I've been really busy at work so I haven't had time to really write, but there were a few things that I felt the need to mention.

Britney at the VMA's: Two things. Number one, all of these people on her about being fat should go to hell. She's had two kids and will never look like that naughty school girl again. Frankly, I thought she looked was the outfit that sucked. I suppose that's appropriate because so did her performance which brings me to point number two: MTV should be ashamed for using her that way.

That was a train wreck and they HAD to know it but they let it happen because they knew it would draw viewers. It was like picking on a handicapped child for the public spectacle and enjoyment of others. How bad must ratings be if that is what you have to do to draw viewers.

Fred Thompson Announces Candidacy: Sure, why not. He has better face and name recognition than most of those shlumps in the race. Hell, it is probably the only time he will ever have a shot at the nomination and like baseball teams, once the play-offs have started, anything can happen. If you can somehow win the nomination, once the general election starts, you never know when pictures of your opponent having hot sex with a bisexual goat are going to show up. Let's face it, if George W. could win the election last time, it can happen for anyone.

Anita Roddick, Dame Commander of the British Empire, Founder of The Body Shop retail chain dies at age 64: A friend of mine worked for her and I had the chance to meet her once. She was energetic, irreverant and committed to her social and political beliefs. She proved to the world that you could run a business, be successful and be a progressive intent on helping those less fortunate than yourself all at the same time. She was on the Board of Directors for Mother Jones Magazine, you don't get much farther left than that.

Anita liked a dirty joke and in her honor, here is one she reportedly told in the waiting room at the Louisiana State Penitentiary at Angola while campaigning on behalf of Herman Wallace and Albert Woodfox of the Angola Three.

In your memory Anita:

The seven dwarfs were in a Catholic church. They were sitting near the rear and as the priest was speaking, they whispered and giggled amongst themselves, causing quite a disturbance.

All of a sudden, Dopey stands up and says, "Father, are there any midget nuns in the church?" "No," said the priest, "There are no midget nuns in the church."

A little time passed and the dwarfs were again whispering and giggling amongst themselves causing quite a disturbance and noticeably angering the priest.

Soon, Dopey stands up again and asks, "Father, are there any midget nuns in the city?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the city or in the church." says the priest. Again the dwarfs resume their annoying giggling to the dismay of the priest.

Once again, Dopey stands up and asks "Father, are there any midget nuns in the state?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the state, in the city, and no midget nuns in the church." exclaimed the priest, obviously upset.

The dwarfs continue their interference.

Dopey stands up and asks, "Father, are there any midget nuns in the country?"

The priest, totally angered, exclaims "No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the church, in the city, in the state, no midget nuns in the country, there are no midget nuns in the whole world!!! Now sit down!!!!!"

Soon afterwards, a chant could be heard from the rear of the church:

"Dopey fucked a penguin. Dopey fucked a penguin."

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Should I stay or should I go.

Senator Craig now says he's going to retire after all.

Just make up your damn mind already! Guilty or not guilty. Staying or going. Top or bottom. This guy can't make a freaking decision. And he was a Senator for how long? He does more flips than a gymnast.

WOI-TV: Craig Spokesman says Craig is getting ready to leave

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

You know, I might change my mind...I'm still not gay!

"Whoa, now wait a minute people. I might have been a little hasty back there. You see, it wasn't what that cop back in Minnesota said it was. I didn't do anything wrong. When he said that he saw my hand come under the stall, it wasn't really my hand, it was this one. One of those new cyberhands. You see, it just fell out of my pocket when I sat down on the toilet and started playing footie... I mean tapping my foot to my internal soundtrack -- The theme from Deliverance. I wasn't cruisin' for a homosexual encounter, I'M NOT GAY!

I know I plead guilty, but that was just because I panicked and didn't realize that I could have a lawyer and stuff. You know, in Idaho, we don't arrest faggo...I mean homosexuals, we kick the crap out of them so I was actually afraid for my well being. Yeah, that's it. And I was afraid I was going to miss my plane to see Morgan Fairchild, 'cause I'M NOT GAY!"

Craig reconsiders decision to resign

On a personal note, I'm pretty sure that I had nothing to do with this.

I know, I sorta asked for it with my last post. I didn't really mean it unless, of course, the media really is going to hound him for the next few months making the whole Republican party look like complete hypocrites when they try to sell voters their bastardized and divisive version of wholesome, Christian family values. If that's going to happen, then I'm just going to get the extra large popcorn and some Goobers and watch the show.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Craig resigns...still not gay...I'd have told them all to fuck off, I'm staying.

Hey, we all saw this one coming. He's still not gay, but he has resigned. I tell you, not matter what happened, this guy wasn't coming back so why leave. If it were me...

(At this point I feel compelled to mention that I am not gay. Don't care if you are, don't really care if he is, but I'm not. And sex in an airport bathroom? Ewwww. I don't even like to piss in airport bathrooms, let alone get lucky. Lord knows what kinds of international Uber-germs are breeding in there.)

... I would have told the rest of the world to fuck off.

My statement would have been something like this:

"I'm not leaving. I got elected and I'm going to show up for votes, participate in debates and all the other stuff Senators do. I won't be talking to the press and I'll have the Capitol Hill Police pull the credentials of any member of the media who comes to my office. It is off limits and I haven't a damn thing else to say to any of you. If you're lucky, I might issue a press release or two before the end of my term but other than that, the hell with you guys."

"And to the rest of the Republican party, I suggest you guys just shut the hell up too. You think I didn't learn a a thing or two about most of you over the past few decades? Do yourselves a favor, find something else to talk about, like ending the war or funding education or fixing the mortgage crisis, I'm sure the American people would rather you all talked about those things. Now go away."

As a PR guy, I know this wouldn't work. The media would track him like a wounded animal and skewer him. The pundits and the columnists would write for weeks about how guilty or demented or dangerous he was, he wouldn't be allowed to sleep or eat. Eventually, they'd get him. They usually do.

But a part of me would like someone to try. You haven't got a chance of getting away with it unless you honestly didn't give a fuck what people say or do. The firestorm would rage for a while, but if you know you're gone and you have nothing left to lose, why not go out on your own terms. The hell with the media and your party. Show up and vote the way the people back home want and spend the rest of the time enjoying those last months of Senatorial privilege.

Man, would that be great theater or what? I know it would never happen, but a guy can dream.

CNN: Craig resigns