Supremely Gangbanged

Justices Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, Kennedy and Alito just gangbanged you. Don't feel too special because they pulled a train on all of us. That's right, they bent us over the Constitution of the United States and rammed it home while demanding we say they their names.
What? You didn't notice? Didn't feel a thing? I'm not surprised. Everyone knows if you spend too much time shilling for the conservative right, your twig and berries start to shrink from misuse and shame. That's right, if you spend too much time talking right wing dogma, your dick takes a powder. Don't believe me? Watch golf tournaments.

That's right, golf tournaments. Marketing is all about getting the right message in front of the right demographic and if you watch enough golf, you'll see every ad for every erectile dysfunction drug made today. (Well, that and luxury car ads, but we all know that big fancy cars are nothing more than symbolic penis extenders so it's the same thing really.) Who watches golf? Rich, chubby white guys. How would you describe the likes of Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh?

I rest my case. Conservatism leads to little dick syndrome. It's all very scientific.

Anyway, these limp tiny dicks got aroused the only way they know how, by buggering the average Joe and trust me when I tell you, we all got fucked.

A couple of days ago, the court ruled in a 5-4 decision in favor of Citizens United in their suit against the Federal Election Commission. The Court found that corporate funding of independent political broadcasts in candidate elections cannot be limited, because doing so would be in noncompliance with the First Amendment.

What's that mean for you and me besides a sore bunghole? It means that as far as the court is concerned, corporations have the same right to free speech as a person. That's right, the court believes that the founding fathers intended for the inalienable right to free speech guarenteed to every person under the Constitution be extended to Exxon, GE, British Petroleum, AIG and Blue Cross Blue Shield. That right is so complete that those corporations can spend as much money as they want on television, radio and print ads to get their candidate of choice elected.

Nearly unlimited financial support for their candidate, their guy on the Hill or in the White House. And the middle class? Those of us who don't have unlimited funds? Oh, we can still shout and yell while staring Justice Thomas's shriveled member in its one eye, but how is anyone going to hear us while the corporations who got the conservatives elected who appointed and confirmed Justice Roberts and his gang of pin dicks are saturating the airwaves with their message of profits over people?

I don't think anyone who penned the phrase "We the people of the United States in order to form a more perfect union..." intended for the political discourse of our democracy to be dominated by the money of faceless, profit-driven corporations. But those same corporations have certainly gotten their money's worth so far, and now the few restraints on them have been lifted.

I hope you enjoyed your Supreme screwing, because now we're all buns up kneeling and there is nothing stop them from truly taking advantage of us now.

Supreme Court’s campaign ruling: a bad day for democracy