Friday, January 01, 2010

Top Stories of 2010

The Intertubes are filled with lists this time of year, particularly since this is the end of the decade.  Top 100 this, top ten that.  But here at the T-Dude, we think those folks are all pussies.  That's right, pussies.  Anyone can throw together a list of things that have already happened.  But it takes a pair to put up a list of what is yet to come.  That's right, I, the T-Dude will now predict some of the top news events of 2010.

1) The Economy Continues to Sputter
Jobs continue to be the problem. The bailout did its job and stabilized the credit markets and saved the speculators and gambling houses (AIG and the like), but it did nothing to solve the basic problem of the U.S. economy.  We don't make anything anymore, including good middle class jobs. Weak job market and weak wages = weak demand which equals uneven economic growth in the short term. So get ready for another year of economic struggles for the average American.

2) Amy Winehouse Accidently Discovers Cancer Cure
The walking pharmacy that is Amy Winehouse lands in the hospital yet again, this time for overdosing on radioactive heroin, cocaine and embalming fluid.  While in the ICU, the precancerous mole on her cheek suddenly falls off and is discovered cowering in the corner of her room begging for mercy.  Further research discovers the strange combination of drugs the Winehouse was taking is actually a powerful skin cancer cure. But no one tells her and the doctors treating her make millions while she works feverishly to avoid both rehab and jail. 

3) Cubs Win World Series
Hang on....hahahahaha....heeeheeee....{gasp} ....oh man....I kill me sometimes.

4) Health Reform Passes, Nobody Happy (except the insurance industry)
There is no real public option, there is a mandate that everyone has to carry health insurance and the only downside for the insurance companies is that they no longer get to kick out the sick people with pre-existing conditions. But they just raise rates on the healthy folks and continue to pocket their outrageous profits for doing nothing other than being a middle man between you and your doctor.

5) Lindsay Lohan Overdoses
Okay, that isn't much of a prediction. But you have to let me have at least one gimme. She has already done the Marilyn Monroe look-a-like photo shoots, it's just a matter of time before she goes the full nine yards.

6) Twitter Declares Bankruptcy
After a meteoric rise, Twitter succumbs to the pressure from Facebook and other networking sites and closes its doors.  The once amazing networking tool couldn't compete with the accessibility and versatility of the new Internet enabled phones that gave Facebook and others a huge functionality advantage. 

7) Democrats Lose Seats in House, Senate
Let's face it, the economy is still sputtering, the Dems haven't exactly embodied the change they campaigned on, health care reform came in with a roar but passed as just a whimper of its initial promise. The D's are going to be given one of those message elections. Sen. Harry Reid in Nevada gets the boot as does Christopher Dodd in Connecticut. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand was appointed to Hillary Clinton's seat in New York so anything could happen in that race.

On the House side, I have no specific predictions yet, but the sliding approval rating of President Obama is an ominous sign for House Dems in mixed or right leaning districts.

If any of you, my fair readers, have any predictions of your own, put them in the comments section.  In the meantime, have a great 2010.  I know I'm looking forward to it.


Candice said...

I have a feeling you'll get at least 50% of your predictions correct.

Can I call you Miss Cleo when this happens?


The T-Dude said...

You can call me anything you want. I know I've answered to worse at one time in my life.