Saturday, January 01, 2011
The Top Five Stories of 2011
You doubt me? I offer up last year's predictions here.
Okay, not all of them turned out quite the way I said. What can you expect? This seer stuff is more of an art than a science. The Cubs didn't win the World Series, Lindsey Lohan didn't O.D. and Amy Winehouse's mole didn't cure cancer. But the rest of the stuff was pretty spot on. The economy still sucks, the Dems got their butts kicked in the midterms and health care reform passed and no one was really happy about what they got.
Hindsight may be 20/20, and my foresight was more like 50/50, but at least I had the guts to share what I saw. So, without further ado, here are my predictions for the Top Stories of 2011.
1) The Economy Improves, But Not For Everyone
The investor class is seeing its profits come back, but the middle class is still struggling as employment only modestly improves, gas prices push $4.00 a gallon by Memorial Day and the Federal government is forced to address its skyrocketing debt. With the midterm election losses by the Dems, the only fiscal reform bills to be passed will be those that continue to keep the bulk of the tax burden on the middle class while leaving the rich to get richer. Middle class friendly things like the tax deduction for mortgage interest will be under attack while the income tax rates for the wealthy will remain at their historically low levels.
2) Hannah Montana Gets Naked Pics Leaked on the Net.
In what can only be considered a brilliant political move, Sarah Palin relocates to Arizona where she establishes residency and announces her intention to run for Senate in the only place in the country where she might actually be electable. She will then parlay that job into a Presidential run a la Obama when his second term is complete.
She makes the move to AZ under the guise of being closer to Bristol Palin who enrolls at Arizona State University. While there Bristol runs for Student Senate on a platform of abstinence and a campus wide alcohol ban . She is soundly defeated.
In an effort to solidify his political base prior to the up coming elections in 2012, President Obama announces the promotion of an openly gay general to a position with the Joint Chiefs. The republican party responds by announcing that Liza Minelli, Cher, and Ru Paul will be performing at their National Convention.
5) Pizza Rolls Declared Health Food
Well, those are my predictions for the coming year. I also predict that the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series. I only do this because when it finally happens, one of these years, I can say that I predicted it. If any of you are seriously dumb enough to put money on it happening this year, don't blame me; you clearly have a gambling problem.
Have a great 2011 everyone, or at least have a better 2011 than 2010. That certainly doesn't set the bar too high, does it?