I Be Judge...

As we come to the end of the year, just like the new car models, some new laws will soon be taking effect.

For example, in Georgia, abortions after 20 weeks will be outlawed unless the pregnancy is determined to be medically futile, meaning it would result in the birth of a child unlikely to survive because of a serious defect. Georgia became the seventh state in the country to approve the so-called "fetal pain" act.

In California, clergy members who oppose gay marriage will be exempted from performing said ceremonies. (A quick aside, this might be one of the dumbest things I've heard in a while.  Were they required to perform them before? And who would want to be married by a clergy who didn't believe in their union? Only in Cali man, only in Cali.)

With that in mind, I thought of a few laws that I think should be enacted. Heck, if these states can regulate church activities and a woman's reproductive system, then I - Governor of the great State of Inebriation - should be allowed to sign a few laws into the statute books.

1) No Texting While Talking

When I think of the number conversations I've had to repeat because the person I was talking to had to have their "smart phone" out while we were talking, it just makes me want to piss on poor Steve Job's grave. I honestly don't care if your cat is on fire or if @HottiePants432 just tweeted a new pic, it's just plain rude to talk to someone and text/tweet/post at the same time. 

2) A Ban on Electronic Voting Machines

Since before the days of voting, man has known how to rub one object onto another in order to make a mark.  Even people who couldn't write their own name could "make their mark" on a contract. Voting is too precious, too important to leave any real doubt as to the voter's choices. 

Electronic voting is vulnerable to hacking, computer viruses, and sneaky foul play.  Your vote shouldn't depend on a machine as easy to manipulate as a computer when an old fashioned paper ballot does the job just fine. To put it simply, I've never seen a paper ballot magically change a voter's vote, but it has happened every election with the electronic voting machines.

3) Removal of all Red Light Cameras

They are nothing more that a way to screw motorists out of money.  There is conflicting data as to whether they reduce accidents or increase them, they leave no real room for judgement.  For example, I watched a camera go off because a person stopped their car a little past the wide white stop line.  Why? Because they were about ot make a legal right on red but the gigantic SUV in the left lane was blocking the view of on coming traffic.  The driver stopped, made a legal turn but still generated a ticket.

If you were the man in charge, what would you make the law of the land?

Great Pic Mr. President

Some of the reasons I like President Obama have nothing to do with his policies.  It has to do with his obvious love of children and his sense of humor.  Just take a look at this slide show on Yahoo! for photographic evidence of what I mean.

I particularly like the one of him with the guy on the scale. Classic.

Evil by Design

A friend of mine posted this to their Facebook page yesterday. I honestly thought it would take longer for this type of stuff to come out again. 

Silly of me I guess.

The NRA, their supporters, and the rest of their ilk really have no shame and the tragic events in Connecticut aren't going to make them change their tune one single note.

There is just one problem, this pithy little saying which rings so true for so many of the gun-lovers and libertarian types out there is wrong. 

That's right, just plain wrong.

Evil does exist in a gun.  It is placed there intentionally.  It is purposefully incorporated into its very design. Guns were first invented to kill and guns are being designed to kill more effectively and more efficiently than ever before. Like the atomic bomb, the hand grenade, sarin gas, or anthrax powder in an envelope, the very nature of a gun is evil.

Take a look at this picture. This is the Bushmaster .223 Rifle.  One like it was used in that school in Connecticut. It is a semi-automatic assault rifle with a standard 30 round magazine.  That magazine can be replaced with another full magazine by simply pushing a button, removing it and slamming another one in.  It takes seconds at most. The very description of this rifle reveals the evil that is intentional in its design.  It is an "assault rifle".  It is intended to be used for assaulting...assaulting humans.  And as we have discovered over and over again, this gun and guns like it are exceptionally good at their job.

But even if you didn't know the name of this particular machine, just look at it.  It is designed to be menacing, it is designed to intimidate, it is intentionally built to appear as evil as its design truly is.

Don't lie to me and tell me that evil lies only in the hearts of man.  Evil lives in the killing machines that man has built. Just as a piece of art can be beautiful, just as written words can show us truth, the design of a machine can be evil.

Don't believe their pithy messaging. Don't let the arms merchants and gun makers convince you that their products are benign. They are not, they are evil by design, evil in their intent and evil in their use. They are killing machines and their primary purpose is to violate the "Thou shall not kill" Commandment as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Isn't that the definition of evil?

Because the University of Iowa Rocks

It was a double great day for the University of Iowa.

Not only did they become the first major public university to adds optional LGBT question to its application, but my brilliant and talented daughter decided to change her already accepted application to the School of Liberal Arts to the Engineering School.

Iowa, you totally rock.

Not Voting Hurts

A pregnant Arizona woman, Holly Solomon, despondent about President Obama's reelection, ran down her husband with the family Jeep when she discovered he hadn't voted. Now I'm a firm believer in voting, but even I draw the line at vehicular homocide.

Woman Runs Down Husband For Not Voting

The Voting Revolution

Voting, the simplest act of defiance, an act of revolution itself.  When America became America it was an act of revolution.  Our forefathers tossed the yoke of the monarchy from their shoulders and declared themselves free to govern themselves. And we have been doing just that for over 200 years.

It wasn't that way for everyone.  In the beginning, many people were excluded from our democracy.  Those of color, the poor, and women were told they had no voice, they had no opportunity to shape the future of our country.  But slowly, over time, enlightenment overcame prejudice and the disenfranchised were allowed to participate in the greatest democracy in history.

But yet, even today, there are still people who want to stop you from voting.

CNN Opinion: GOP's push to suppress vote threatens democracy

Don't let them.  Don't be discouraged by long lines, by scare tactics.  Voting is your right.  It is a simple act that reaffirms the convictions on which this country was founded, that all men are created equal. Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, whether you are a Tea Party conservative or a bleeding heart liberal, you need to add your voice to the discussion of our future as a nation. If only for this one day a year, participate in our democracy, help us all realize the dream of freedom and equality for all.

If you are unsure of where to vote, go here: CanIVote.org

Election Prediction and Foot Wear

I have stared into my crystal ball and am now ready to make my predictions for next Tuesday’s presidential election. In a race that is tight from a popular vote standpoint, but not as tight from an Electoral College accounting, I predict President Obama will win re-election.

I predict that the swing states of Ohio, Pennsylvania, Iowa, Wisconsin, Nevada and Virginia will give the President more than the 270 electoral votes needed.

What brought me to this conclusion? I believe that the Romney campaign made a couple of critical errors late in the race that have cooled whatever momentum his campaign may have had. I think they burst through the hole that the President left open after his sub-par performance in the first debate only to stumble over their own two right feet.

First, the disastrous ad where the Romney campaign implies that production of the very American vehicle the Jeep would be moved to China. Romney himself went even farther telling a crowd of supporters in Ohio, “I saw a story today that one of the great manufacturers in this state Jeep — now owned by the Italians — is thinking of moving all production to China.”

Chrysler and Fiat (the majority stakeholder in Chrysler) both refute this bogus claim.

The Obama camp has jumped all over this gaffe, not just because it is untrue, but also because it re-enforces one of their primary messages about Romney: You can’t trust this guy.

TheBlaze.com: Romney Jeep Ad


Credit: MSNBC.com

The second mistake came not in the final days, but early in the primary season when during a debate Gov. Romney suggested that disaster relief was something better left to the states or the private sector and not the Federal government.

Then the New Jersey shore and a good bit of New York City were power-washed by hurricane Sandy and nearly 100 American’s died. Before Sandy hit, the President went to the White House to oversee the coordinated disaster response. Afterwards, he was on the ground with Republican poster child Governor Chris Christie, receiving the praise of the New Jersey governor for the swift federal response.

Where was Gov. Romney? He was in swing states collecting paper towels and diapers at campaign stops where the Governor’s meal for the day was a big helping of crow.

He later swallowed hard and his campaign released a statement that in part read, “I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters. As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need, because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.”

NY Times: Romney on FEMA

Both of these events were just the latest of a series of on-the-fly flip flops and direction changes taken by the Republican candidate. From first fighting for and then denouncing health care reform, from supporting and signing into law an assault weapons ban in Massachusetts to later denouncing any form of gun control, from supporting a woman’s right to choose to proclaiming himself anti-abortion, Governor Romney has flip-flopped his way to the losing end of this election.

American’s like to know what they are buying. They want an honest deal at an honest price. However, a vote for Romney is a transaction strictly governed by the adage “Buyer Beware” and the persuadable, Independent voters are seeing that loud and clear in these final few weeks.

In their eyes, Romney has become the stereotype of a bad used car salesman who will tell you whatever you want to hear in order to make the deal.

“Yep, it’s fast!"

"Sure, it’s safe!"

"Of course it will save you money. Would I lie to you?”

To be honest Governor Romney, I don’t think you are lying per se, I just think you will tell people pretty much whatever they want to hear. A lie implies you have a nefarious master plan, I think that might be giving you too much credit. I suspect you are just the latest dupe put up by the financial elite.  I think their sole purpose is to get you elected so you can protect the rich and the powerful and their money-grabbing, tax-evading, union-busting ways. I guess when this thing is finally over, if my prediction is correct, Romney and the Republicans might finally learn the lesson that so many children have learned the hard way:

You really shouldn’t run in flip flops.

Quick Hits: Now with Warm Puppies and Cold Bats

I'm Sorry, What Was That? 

Ms. Angela McCaskill, the chief diversity officer at Gallaudet, the nation's leading university for deaf and hard-of-hearing students, sure stepped in it when she signed a petition in support of putting Maryland's Gay Marriage law on the ballot this November. As a result of her signing, the university put her on administrative leave.

Regardless of her position on the issue, should an employer be allowed to punish an employee for participating in the democratic process?  I don't think so.  It may have been a stupid choice for a chief diversity officer to sign a petition that puts Maryland's gay marriage law at risk of being rescinded, but she has the right to an opinion.

The funny part is, she is getting support for her right to sign that petition from both sides of the issue.  The conservative Family Research Council as well as the pro-gay-marriage group Marylanders for Marriage Equality have both called for her reinstatement saying that she has the right to her opinion. Who can argue, isn't that what diversity is all about?

Yahoo News: Deaf university roiled by gay marriage controversy

Is That A Puppy In Your Pocket...?

Every winter, when I was a kid growing up in the wilds of Iowa, my parents would put an emergency kit in the trunk of the car.  For those who have never been to Iowa in the winter, it can be pretty dicey out on the roads in the middle of nowhere. Winds kick up, roads drift shut and you can quickly find yourself stranded in sub-zero temps with many hours (or even days) before you might be found.  It had a candle, some granola bars, a coffee can, blankets...that sort of thing. 

But as far as I can remember, the kit never contained puppies.  Apparently it should have: Yahoo News: Lost boy kept warm by puppies, officials say

Just Because You're Benched, Doesn't Mean You Aren't A Player

The New York Yankees' are paying Alex Rodriguez $275 million dollars to play baseball.  To put that in perspective, with that kind of cash he could cover the entire city budget for the town of Burlington, Iowa (pop. 25,564) for five years and still have over $10 million dollars leftover for himself.

Despite his gawdy career hitting numbers, ( BA: .300, HR: 647, RBI: 1950 ), he hit a slump of epic proportions in the playoffs this year and found himself riding the pine as the Yankees got handed their hats and sent home. But did that stop A-Rod from playing?  Hell no!  If he couldn't hit baseballs, he was certainly going to hit on chicks and that is exactly what he did, DURING THE GAME!

I guess he found the game as uninteresting as the rest of New York and decided to try and get the phone number of Australian bikini model and swim suit designer Kyna Treacy who was sitting in the stands near the dug out. (Am I the only one with Paradise by the Dashboard Lights playing in their head right now?)

I know what I would do if I was the Yankee's manager, I'd replace my first base coach with a hot chick who stripped down to a bikini and waved at A-Rod every time he came to bat.  For $275 million dollars, I'd need to do everything I could to get A-Rod's head (and bat) back in the game.

Report: A-Rod's flirting fan identified

Five Things We Don't Tell You

As a straight married guy who has been around the block once or twice, I just what to share a few things with my female friends.  You see, we lie now and then.  Mostly out of self-preservation.  Regardless of how insensitive we may seem, we do get the basics and these little lies help us stay both sane and safe.  Now, before you have a cow, be warned: This post is full of generalizations. Not all women or men act the same way. Your man may not think exactly this way and you maybe more enlightened than your neighbor.  So take this post with a grain or two of salt and save your disgust for more important things, like youth violence or world hunger.

Without further ado, the top five things married men don't tell their wives.
 

5) "Yes, we think she's pretty."

Depending on the day, we know there's an excellent chance you aren't really asking about her, you are really asking if we think YOU are pretty.  We do.  We also think she's pretty. It isn't a zero sum game for us. I think Maggie Gyllenhaal is pretty, I think Mila Kunis is pretty, I think Sara Ramirez is pretty and I think my wife is pretty.  Tall or short, fat or thin, blond, brunette or redhead, they can all be pretty. But we aren't likely to admit it when we think the question is really, "Do you think I'm pretty."

Just listen to women talk to each other in private and you will soon learn that they are constantly comparing themselves to other women. This a fairly foreign concept to a man. That is why a man will tell a woman something like "You look beautiful in that dress." while a woman will say, "Your dress is so much prettier than hers." The only things that your average married man will compare to other men are obviously measurable things like golf scores and penis length.

4) "It didn't really take an hour to buy that fertilizer, I just needed the time away."

You dilly-dally at the grocery store and we meander at the hardware store. We aren't really shopping, it is just a good place to clear our heads and have some quiet time.  The smell of fresh cut lumber and paint just make us feel comfortable.  Remember, we are just like you, we need to have a little respite from the daily grind too.  In simplest terms, we just want a break from searching the house for the note that came home from school or listening to a lecture on why our way of doing the dishes is fundamentally flawed.



3) "Actually, we don't have to be there for another 20 minutes."

We lie to you about when things start because you can't help but push the envelope on departure times and it makes us crazy.  Whenever possible we fudge the needed time of arrival so we aren't flying out of the house just to get to get there 15 minutes late. It makes you crazy when the kids do it, it makes us crazy when you do it.

2) "No, that baby isn't the cutest thing I've ever seen."

Honestly, babies just aren't that interesting to us.  They look like big cash black holes whose single purpose in life is to eat, shit, scream and make their parents into sleepless, broke zombies.  We like kids, hell, we love them.  But we prefer them after they have passed the house plant stage.  Once they start to really talk and move and reason and hit baseballs, then we can't get enough of them.  But the whole baby/toddler thing is really just a phase we have to endure to get to the good part.

1) "Yes, that makes you look fat."

Honestly, you know it does.  If we made more money we would let you buy nothing but specially tailored clothes hand picked  by a professional stylist that make you look like a movie star, but we don't so you have to make do with what you have.  Besides, half the time we're pretty sure you aren't looking for our opinion, you are really looking for permission to wear it anyway because you don't really want to get redressed.  Bottom line: You look great as far as we are concerned. (See Item Number 5)  We just want to get the hell out of the house so that we can get there on time.

Well, there you go. I have spilled the beans.  Try not to judge your man to harshly, he can't help it really.  It is just the way he is made.  He still loves you, he still thinks you are pretty, he still wants to go places with you.  He just doesn't want the drama that the truth is going to cause. He does it to keep you happy and him safe from your wrath.  Can you blame him?

The New Gig

I have started a new gig.

This is very good because I was soon going to have to accept that my new career was going to include the phrase, "Do you want fries with that?"

But it isn't all roses and puppies.  Not that I dislike the job or am unthankful, neither of those things are even close to the truth.  But a part of me is sad.  I spent the entire summer at home and I got to spend quality time with my kids, I got to do more coaching of youth sports, and shaving was often an optional activity.

You know that game of "What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery?"  I think I would bank most of it, go back to school and study to be a coach.  Probably softball or soccer, maybe even basketball.  I have more fun watching kids grow as athletes than I do doing pretty much anything else.

Oh well, I didn't win the lottery so I guess it is back to work for me.

So I Was A Year Early...

In January of last year, I predicted that an openly gay General would be promoted to the Joint Chiefs.  While she isn't a member of that elite club, she is the first openly gay General.  You go girl!

 Tammy Smith - First Openly Gay General - MSNBC

Top Five Stories of 2011 - The T-Dude

The Moments of Joy

My youngest is 11.  She plays three different sports and loves joining a group of girls in an athletic contest of skill and heart. 

Today, she showed the heart part. 

We had a basketball double header. (I can say we, I'm the head coach.)  That's right, back to back games.   She woke up with a sore throat and the general crummies.  Despite that, she played super hard. She was diving on the floor, chasing down girls on the fast break.  When she came off the floor she was gasping for air, but despite the pain, she would rest up and ask to go back in.  She's one tough cookie and I'm very, very proud of her, her commitment to her team and her huge heart.
 
Bronte, you rock.

RIP Etta, I'll Miss You

We have lost a true American treasure in the passing of Etta James.  I, for one, loved her music.  I think I'll throw some on and say thanks for the musical gifts she shared with the world.  I think I'll start with the one below.  Not as well know as "At Last", this is a good one.

Etta James Dead at 73 - CNN.com

Newt Wanted to Share His Newt

ABC NEWS

According to Gawker.com, CNN and I'm sure others, ABC News will be airing an interview tonight with Newt Gingrich's ex-wife where she tells the world that Newt asked her to "share" him with his then mistress.

As I have said before, I don't care what politicians do between the sheets.  I think it is only fair.  I don't ask them when and how they bump uglies and I don't think they should ask/legislate us on the same subject.  But I have a hard time ignoring it when those politicians make themselves out to be some sort of moral compass or preach "moral values".

When President Clinton got caught diddling the help, Newt was center stage calling for Clinton's impeachment.  Well, my friend, if that is the standard you set for being President, then you have to accept that screwing around on your wife and then asking for a divorce after you find out she is sick becomes fair game for public scrutiny.

Karma; she sure is a bitch, ain't she Newt?

Newt's Ex-Wife Says He Wanted An Open Marriage (with video) - Gawker.com

Some Legislators Favor SOPA/PIPA But Violate Copyright Themselves

Check out this great post on BoingBoing about legislators who are supporting the draconian tenets of the Internet censorship bills now pending in Congress.  It would seem that they themselves are in violation.  It begs the question, do they truly understand the legislation they are supporting?

Senators behind PIPA are a bunch of copyright infringers - BoingBoing.net

Sign the Petition - Oppose Censorship

Do you want Google or Yahoo or Wikipedia deciding what you can and cannot view?  They don't want to, but the big media companies want THE GOVERNMENT to force them to act as censors and protectors of copyright and intellectual property. That is the gist of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House and the Protect IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate. 

Stop Censorship!

The issue is simple.  Some websites, particularly those outside the US, put pirated content online. They are not subject to US intellectual property protections. This pisses off groups like The Motion Picture Association of America, Wal-Mart, Major League Baseball, the National Association of Broadcasters and many, many more.

I get it, they get pissed because some people are virtually getting into the movies/concert/ball park for free and that hurts their bottom line.  But this is exactly the wrong way to go about solving their problem. Google, Yahoo, Wikipedia and other websites should not be given the responsibility for restricting access to information to protect the interests of these trillion dollar industries.

This is like telling the highway department that they are responsible because someone drove your stolen car on their road.  It is stupid, it is overly broad and in the end, it is censorship. 

To add your voice to the debate, to tell Congress to vote NO on these measures, go to americancensorship.org and sign the petition.  Act fast, votes are scheduled as early as January 24th.

One of the many reasons I like President Obama