Saturday, August 09, 2008

The Migratory Democratic Trouser Snake

If the prior two years were the era of Republican sex scandals, then 2008 has to be the year of the Democratic one. Eliot Spitzer, the tough-minded Dem. prosecutor turned Governor of New York gets caught spending his hard earned cash and begging to bareback with a high-end prostitute by the name of Ashley Dupré.

The Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick gets caught in an affair with his Chief of Staff Christine Beatty, (both were married at the time) and then they both get indicted on a variety of felony charges related to obstruction of justice and the like.

And now, the icing on the cake, one of the big three from the race for the Democratic nomination for president, Sen. John Edwards admits to an affair with 42 year-old campaign worker Rielle Hunter, an affair that had been rumored for a long time but that he had denied.

What the hell is wrong with these guys?

Let's be clear up front, I don't care. The sex lives of politicians is between them and their wives/partners/blow up dolls, provided whatever they are doing isn't illegal. Rep. Foley attempting to get in the pants of underage Capital Hill pages, that's very different than whatever arrangement a husband and wife have concerning who they fuck.

But what in their genetic make-up makes them think that they aren't going to get caught? Spitzer, a former prosecutor remember, got caught because he paid Ashley Dupré with a credit card. A credit card! Can you say paper trail, I bet he said that very phrase about a billion times when he was putting away criminals.

Kilpatrick got caught sending romantic/explicit text messages on city-leased devices to Beatty. It's called the Freedom of Information Act you morons! If it's produced on a government device, it is likely to be discovered sometime. Go buy your own crackberries if you want to send dirty notes to your mistress/lover. How fucking stupid can you be.

And John Edwards...I don't know what to say. The best and easiest way to get busted out in public for an affair is to RUN FOR PRESIDENT! Both parties have trained geeks whose sole purpose in life is to dig up the dirt, to spring the skeletons from the closet. And if you are going to run for President while having an affair, you only have one shot of getting past it. Admit it. If you don't admit it, you're not just a philanderer, but you're a liar too.

But why?

Why do they think they can get away with it and not have it become public? Are their dicks really separate animals with the power to control the politician's actions? Are they just so arrogant that they think themselves unstoppable?

All I know is this: we all have to make choices in our lives. You drive a fancy car, you have to pay the high-end insurance. You want to spend time with your kids, you can't take that job as a traveling salesman. And if you're a Democrat who might want to be president one day, you shouldn't have extra-marital affairs.

So D's, do me a favor: keep your dicks in your pants. Not just because it's the right thing to do, but because every time you all do something so fucking stupid, you hurt the party's chances of winning.

This election, hell, most elections are much too important to be put at risk just so you can screw someone other than your wife. According to 70-some percent of Americans, the current administration has this country on the wrong track. Sen. McCain (Who isn't exactly innocent when it comes to women, but that's for another day.) will continue to drive it down this road to economic and political disaster.

We have to have a change in the White House and in elected offices across the country, so D's, please don't succumb to the siren song of your migratory trouser snake. Make it stay home on Saturday night. Home cooking is better for you than take out, just ask Gov. Spitzer, he learned the hard way the dangers of eating out .

CNN: Edwards admits to extramarital affair

CNN: Recent Political Scandals


Carolyn said...

You forgot to mention that the reputable newpaper that started the Edwards affair witch hunt was THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER. Hee! Hee! I think the worst part about the Edwards thing is that he first adamently denied it and then admitted it later. That just makes him a double liar. I loathe liars. The other thing about this that is so funny is that the woman he was having an affair with had a baby which isn't John's but was fathered by someone else who worked for Edwards. Makes you wonder how many Edwards campaign workers got a piece of that action! I think that it's admirable, though, that John Edwards admitted to having sex with her, but then qualified it by stating that he "didn't LOVE her". That makes it ever so much better, don't you think?

Jane said...

Seriously!!!! What are these people thinking??? The thing that gets me the most is when people preach morality and use their higher ground stance to win elections....and then end up being slimeballs!

TheHMC said...

Ah crap.. here you have actual thought provoking matters on your blog and I don't have time to read and comment.

I was coming by to tag you though. If you have time for that kind of crap, of course.
I Will be back later to comment for reals, Yo.

Jim said...

Let's all move to France. There the leaders all have affairs and children with people who aren't their spouses while they are currently in office. Sex is no big deal.

Sadly, these politicians all knew they were still living in the United States.

TheHMC said...

I don't get it either. I find it funny though, that these men-in the positions they are in(no pun, really) are still stupid enough to take such a HUGE risk! I'm with you on the fact that no, it's none of our business what they're doing. But. By doing something like that they're proving that they can't even be trustworthy to the person they've pledged their lives to. If their own wives can't trust or count on them, what about all of us saps that are expected to put them into office? And I have to admit that I felt bad for Spitzer's wife and Edwards'wife just because as the person being cheated on, that's hugely embarrassing. For them to have to deal with all of that in front of camera's and the public knowing every aspect, I just feel awful for them.
But if you want people to trust you and say "yes, please run shit for us" then being shady isn't the way to go about it and to lie about it once you're caught is even worse.